Internets down

For most of tonight, internets was down. That's right, NO SURFING. *Egads* No RSS feeds? No online shopping?!? So what does a girl like me do to chillax?!?

Sadly, I found myself watching my torrents and hovering over Firefox in the dock :P (Thank gawd torrents were still working :D )

Then I watched In Bruges. It is so dark, and it is soo hilarious :) Please watch. New respect for Colin Farrell as an actor. It also showcases how uniquely delicious British films can be when you're so used to Hollywood :) Two thumbs up!

I'm sad

After watching Dark Knight at IMAX, I'm sad that The Joker will never be played by Heath Ledger again :(

True supervillain

Glad I paused Dark Knight on my laptop last night, and decided to watch it at IMAX instead. Even though the only ticket I could get was to the 11:30pm session!! Also got to check out the trailer for The Watchmen on a massive screen. Something else to look forward to :)

SATC

*UGH* Yes, that movie. I'm far too annoyed to say its name :P _Why_ did I watch it? As a favour to a friend. I've never really been a fan of the series, and *UGH* I couldn't help scrunching up my nose and wondering wtf all the fuss has been about for the past few months. Why did girls squeal so much over it? Why did magazines talk about the movie like it's the second coming of Christ?!? Alright alright, I giggled a bit throughout the movie, but I also experienced sharp stabbing pains in my abdomen. Though, that's probably because I have a potential stomach bug :P Seriously, I've been feeling nauseous since even before the movie started. The movie just aggravated it. And me.

What just absolutely *shits* me about this movie, is that Carrie Bradshaw hires a personal assistant who has a COMPUTER SCIENCE degree. *UUUUUUGH* A person in IT has better things to do in life than to be Carrie Bradshaw's PA!!! AND, to add insult to injury, _apparently_ IT people can't afford designer handbags!!!! Screw you Carrie Bradshaw, I can afford my own Louis Vutton. The fact I don't is because it's freaking ugly :P

*UUUUUUUGH*

Cynicism

So tonight I watched "Happy-Go-Lucky" at The Electric. It's the story of, you guessed it, the happiest-go-luckiest girl in Rondon. Errr, not only did I fall asleep for most of it (was it the Moscow Mule? Or just the pointlessness of it all?), but I also ended up hoping that the protagonist would DIE a painful death. My thought was, the happiest-go-luckiest girl in Rondon would fall in love with Mr Perfect, then get stabbed to death by the psycho driving instructor she meets. Stabble stabble stabble!

She doesn't of course. To my disappointment, she survives all the way to the end of the movie.

I feel ripped off. Where's the bitter-sweet ending? Where's the dark twist? As the movie ends, the happiest-go-luckiest girl in Rondon is rowing around in a lake on the phone to Mr Perfect and her best mate. What sort of ending is that? :P

On the upshot, The Electric is the most comfiest cinema I've ever been to in Rondon :) With footstools, cushy seats, cocktails and chocolate raisins. Definitely good for a snooze.

People that happy don't really exist, do they? :P My rating: 2 out of 5 stars.

Goldfinger

Out of curiousity, I watched Goldfinger the other night. Was Sean Connery really all that suave and cool as James Bond? Was James Bond really the ultimate spy?

Take a look at this "spy" coming out of the water with a fake duck strapped to his head:

The answer to the questions above is a resounding NO. Is the duck really necessary? How does a duck add points to stealthiness?!? All this in the opening sequence. I wasn't impressed.

Another thing that really surprised me, was how absolutely predatory Bond is when it came to women! Holy crap! There's a scene where Pussy Galore (yes, you read right, Pussy Galore), refuses Bond's advances, and fights back. What does Bond do? He throws her down in the hay, rolls ontop of her, pins her arms down and forcefully kisses her into submission. You can almost hear Pussy Galore thinking, "Gawd, it's easier just to let him have his way with me".

Any guy who comments back with, "That's what all girls want," is going to get their asses kicked :P

What the hell happened to no means no?!? That's a clear case of sexual harrassment if you ask me. Definitely think the scriptwriter should be shot. At the very least, he should be shot in the crotch for coming up with the name Pussy Galore :P

Clicky here for the 15 most cringe-worthy JB puns.

Blabbering

It was an honour that I personally got a chance to speak to George A Romero. If only I hadn't downed 4 beers beforehand *lol* I _actually_ missed Romero's screening of Diary of the Dead!

So there I was waiting in the foyer for the movie to finish, when Mr Romero comes out for the Q&A session! I stalk him into the theater and shuffle to stand next to him.

Mr Romero's back:

Me: "Mr Romero? Can I just say, I love your work. Thank you so much... Dawn of the Dead... (I lose my train of thought)... Oh! (I actually placed a dramatic hand over my heart. *That's* how drunk I was)"
GAR: "Thank you."

I shuffle away with a silly grin on my face. Alcohol. It's an incredible confidence booster :P Later on, I snag me some zombies. These guys spent an hour getting made up, turned up late and missed the movie too!

I almost forgot

It's 10pm, I've had a couple of pints with Trini, I'm ready to sleep it off. Then I remember, I have a ticket for EXTE at 11:30pm! Soon, I'm out of my pajamas and back into street clothes.

The premise is a little silly, hair extensions gone wild. Trust me though, this movie, creeped the hell out of me! I hid behind my hands for most of it. and couldn't help shrieking "ZOMG!" The villain is comedic, but just exudes CREEPINESS all the time!

I was planning to get a haircut appointment this weekend. I'm going to give it a miss. Gawd. I'll never get hair extensions in this lifetime.

Movie time!

About a year ago, I watched City of God. It still remains one of my all time must-watch movies. This movie made me squirm. The thing that got to me was the imagery of kids with guns. Tonight, I had the chance to watch the sequel, City of Men, as part of the BFI London Film Fest! The director Paolo Morelli stuck around to answer questions after the film. However, I left when the presenter started asking questions like, "Tell us about the themes of friendship in your movies". Wtf. What is this, highschool? That's like pointing at a painting and saying, "Tell us about the use of red here". I'm more a "What inspired you to make this movie? Who are these people that have this story to tell?" type of person. So, I didn't stay around for the Q&A.

Next on my list is Exte! Unfortunately, I managed to quadruple book my upcoming weekend :( I have tickets to see Kubrick's Clockwork Orange, Rodriguez's Planet Terror, Patrick Stewart in Macbeth (*squeal*! Captain Picard!), and I forgot our house is having a party >_< Therefore, if anyone wants tickets to Clockwork Orange (I'm gutted :( ) or Planet Terror in Rondon for this Saturday, let me know :P

Also on my list is FrightFest! I can't wait! George A Romero, the Father of Zombie movies, will be making an apperance :D I'll have a chance to watch at least 3 of the movies scheduled before making my way to the airport for a weekend in Cologne *grin* AAAH... Can't wait!

Another movie list!

Top 50 Dystopian Movies of All Time!

Wa-hey!! Time to start queueing up some torrents :) Surprisingly, I've already watched the #1 on the list: Metropolis (1927). It was recommended to me by another film buff. It's a silent movie ahead of its time. Sadly, I kept falling asleep and only made it halfway before I gave up. Yes. I know. Short attention span :P

At #2 is A Clockwork Orange! WHICH, btw, I am going to get to see on the BIG SCREEN in a couple of weeks :D After that, I'm just waiting for the day The Shining gets a chance on the big screen again... *fingers crossed*

For all those Blade Runner fans, good news for you.

Star Trekking

Approximately 689 minutes later, one thing's for sure - Captain Kirk's waistline definitely expands with every movie :) Have to admit, he was pretty sharp looking in the original Motion Picture. Definitely not as sharp by Star Trek 7, especially up against Jean-Luc Picard! Now I understand why Ula had a thing for Picard ;) *grin*

You know, I'm sure the question's been asked many times before, but I'm new to this. Why-o-why, did they remove seatbelts from spaceships? They have warp drives, they have transporters, they have impulse power... But something as simple as seatbelts? Nope. Or just _anything_ that keeps them in their seat? Nope. I haven't watched a single movie out of the 7 yet, that hasn't had a scene where crew members are thrown around the bridge!

The whole reason I started watching the Star Trek movies is because I really thought Futurama's "Where No Fan Has Gone Before" episode was one of the best. It's probably too early to make Star Trek judgement calls since I have another 3 more movies to finish watching *groan* Getting there. But out of all the movies starring the original Star Trek crew, I'd have to say "Wrath of Khan" is the best. With Khan's moobies deserving a special mention. Followed by "Search for Spock". "The Voyage Home" is hilarious just cause Chekov really does keep saying, "nuclear wessels" (as piss-taken in Futurama) *grin* And I burst out laughing when Uhura did the fan dance in "The Final Frontier" :)

It's actually a lot less painful than I expected watching the Star Trek movies. I was tempted to delete all of them after watching the first one, which was just terrible. I'm glad I stuck it out :)

Kubrick fan-gal

I love Kubrick's work. I might not understand it, but I still love his movies. I'm glad I went to watch 2001: A Space Odyssey at Somerset House. I was pretty close to skipping it. Having tried about 5 times to watch it on my laptop, I had given up hope that I could last the 141mins without dozing. I survived! Although I do remember Niffies nudging me at one point *grin*

There are scenes from 2001, which just blew me away. Watching it on the big screen was beautiful. I can't believe this movie was made in 1968. Man had barely ventured into space, with the first space flight taking place in 1961. Yet this movie, made me feel in such awe of space. I'm pretty amazed at how space is portrayed in this movie. But err, I still can't appreciate much from the "Dawn of Man" yelping monkey scenes :P

Now that I think about it, the ending of the movie had a familiar Matthew Barney'ish "wtf is happening" feel to it. I wonder if Barney got some of his inspiration for Cremaster from Kubrick.

One of my most prized possessions in Rondon, is a strip of frames cut from a 70mm print of 2001: A Space Odyssey owned by Kubrick. It came as part of "The Stanley Kubrick Archives" book which C gave me for my birthday last year. I definitely appreciate it a lot more now.

Somerset House is a great venue for open air cinema. Though next year, I'm bringing my puffy jacket and a thicker cushion. It's definitely not warm enough to sit around in a singlet top and flip-flops :P My arse was definitely aching by the end of it.

Mostest hilariousness

OMG. Plan 9 from Outer Space! YOU MUST WATCH.

I thought for once, instead of searching for the mostest awesomeness movie, I'd watch the most worstestess movie ever made. I first heard Plan 9 mentioned in a Seinfeld episode years ago. I didn't even realise it was a real movie back then. Recently, I came across this wikipedia entry, listing the worst films ever. I picked Plan 9 because it had won a Golden Turkey Award (this is another brilliant list).

I don't even know how to describe Plan 9's genre. Is it horror because of the zombies? (Or are they actually vampires? Or even, zombie vampires?! *lol*) Or is it sci-fi because of the "aliens"? Doesn't this paragraph alone make you want to watch the movie already? ;) Line after line, and scene after scene in this movie, made me burst out in laughter. I haven't had this much fun with a movie in a long time! It opens with the following lines:
"Greetings my friends. We are all interested in the future for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives... And remember future events such as these, will affect you, in the future."

*LMAO*

The movie is just filled with dialogue like this. Other choice lines:
- "The ever beautiful flower she had planted, with her own hands, became nothing more than the lost roses of her cheeks."
- Stewardess: "What in the world...", Pilot: "That's nothing from this world."

Worst UFO ever, even the string's still visible! *grin*

- "Your space commander has returned from earth."

- "It's been absolutely impossible to work through these earth creatures. Their soul is, too controlled."

(Worst aliens ever)

My favourite line, "Because all you of earth, are IDIOTS!!" *grin* It's not just the dialogue that's bad. Take a look at this:

Worst set design for a cockpit ever

Most random zombie vampire scene ever

Please please please, watch this movie :)

Oscars Roundup

It's been an intense past few weeks of movie watching for me. Here are my votes from the nominees:

Best Picture: I watched Babel, The Departed, and Little Miss Sunshine. I do have Letters from Iwo Jima, but unfortunately can't find the subtitles. Errr, to be honest, I didn't think much of the ones I watched. If I had to pick, I'd pick Babel. If nominations were up to me, I'd go for Pan's Labyrinth as Best Picture. Honestly, my fave movie for 2006. The Pale Man is the most imaginative creature I've seen in a long time. Trivia: The actor who played the Pale Man also played Pan, and was the only cast member who didn't speak Spanish. He had to learn his lines as well as Ofelia's because he couldn't hear properly out of his costume and had to know when to speak.

Best Actor: This is the only category where I've watched all the nominees - Leonardo in Blood Diamond, Ryan Gosling in Half Nelson, Peter O'Toole in Venus, Will Smith in Pursuit of Happyness and Forest Whitaker in Last King of Scotland. Without a doubt, Forest Whitaker. Nobody else could've done Idi Amin.

Best Foreign Film: Admittedly, I only watched Pan's Labyrinth and Das Leben from this category. Guess which one I'd pick :) Das Leben was interesting because it gave an insight to the German socialist era, but a tad on the slow and predictive side.

Best Adapted Screenplay: Borat, Children of Men, The Departed, Little Children and Notes on a Scandal (I didn't watch it). Borat for sure! *lol* Personally, I don't understand all the fuss about Children of Men. I've seen better apocolyptic themed movies.

Best Documentary Feature: I could only get Jesus Camp and An Incovenient Truth. After watching An Inconvenient Truth, Al Gore has my respect. This guy should've been the President of the United States. Not the total douche bag that's in in place now. It would've been a different world. Jesus Camp wasn't bad as a documentary, but I liked An Inconvenient Truth better.

Best Cinematography: Nominees are The Black Dahlia, Children of Men, The Illusionist, Pan's Labyrinth and The Prestige. I'd give it to Pan's Labyrinth. Trivia: Pan's legs are actually real in the movie. They're mechanical and not CGI, which made it that much more realistic and believable. The actor's real legs were digitally erased later on. I couldn't finish watching the Black Dahlia, boooring...

Best Film Editing: Out of Babel, Blood Diamond, Children of Men and The Departed, I'd vote for Babel. Although I didn't like the movie, I'm willing to say that it was well directed and well edited. The scene switching between cities was pretty seamless.

Ones Worth Watching IMHO: Blood Diamond, Last King of Scotland, The Prestige, An Inconvenient Truth and of course, Pan's Labyrinth. Curse of the Golden Flower was surprisingly not nominated for Best Cinematography. Instead it was nominated for Best Costume Design. I think it's worth watching it on the big screen. It was _made_ for the big screen.

USD$45,000,000

... will get you a lot of oriental boobies on film:

My first thought was, how many boobies does the Emperor of China need?!? But these are actually boobies that belong to the Empress. They're her servants! This movie's probably worth watching at the cinema, just to appreciate the gawdy cinematography of it all. 45 million bux0rz goes a looooong way in China. And of course, there's plenty of oriental boobies if you like that sort of stuff (even the Empress' are out there).

Jesus Camp

I am really really interested to hear what my religious friends have to say about Jesus Camp. Erm, I think I have some religious friends left in my life *grin* Well, at least they're non-invasive about their choices.This documentary, just scares me. If you're looking for a *whisper* torrent, go here. If you don't know what a *whisper* torrent is, go here.

Tell me you don't think it's crazy that kids in America are being told:
- "... summers in the United States over the past few years have been very warm. As a result, global warming must be real. What's wrong with this reasoning?"
- "If you look at creationism, you realise it's the only possible answer to all the questions"
- "Science doesn't prove anything, and it's really interesting when you look at it that way"
- "Let me say something about Harry Potter, warlocks are enemies of god!"
- "The devil goes after the young!"

Errrr.... Oookay. So many things, just _so_ wrong. These kids, are not normal kids. These kids have no soul of their own. These kids, range from about 5 to 12 years old.

Don't get me wrong, everyone needs something to believe in. But I say, let kids be kids and find out for themselves. I was brought up a Buddhist. Sent to a Methodist school. Active participant in ancestor worship. Joined the Good News Bible club. And I still go to the temple with my parents on the rare occasion. Throughout my childhood, my parents let me decide and I turned out fine. Even though I was close to flunking Physics and Chemistry (I was a bad oriental), I'd still take Science anyday over religion. Actually, if there was a pot-smoking, pr0n watching, pleasure giving deity that liked to visit maidens in their sleep - that's the one I'd go for. Did I mention a French accent? I'd go for one with a French accent.

Here's what the really fat lady preacher (what happened to avoiding Gluttony?) prayed for before the camp started:

"In Jesus' name, no microphone problems"

Wtf? How about, in Jesus' name:
- Stop the fcking genocide in Dafur
- Stop the destruction in countries like Iraq and Lebanon
- Stop worldwide hunger, poverty and homelessness
- Find a cure for AIDS and cancer
- Stop Big Brother and Rove from airing ever again

"Microphone problems"?!? Jesus has bigger problems to review if you ask me.

I'm sorry. Watch the documentary. I have to go cleanse myself and perform the ritual of autoeroticism now.

Apocalypto

There is something really drastically wrong with Mel Gibson movies these days. I'm not quite sure where his movies are heading with the endless blood and gore. Did it start with Braveheart?

I've never seen The Passion of the Christ (and why is it _the_ Christ?). Well, I lie. I've seen the Benny Hill version. That was enough for me. Based on that, it looks like the real thing is all about suffering and blood, and not really about _the_ Christ's Passion that much.

In Apocalypto, it's about rolling heads, ripped out hearts, stabbie stabbie stabbie, blood spray, cruelty to endangered animals. It has it all. Errr, what's the plot again? Oh right, Mayan hunter trying to save his family. *Drone drone* Think of this as the Mayan version of Gladiator. Or the Mayan version of Braveheart. Or the Mayan version of The Last of the Mohicans. Only, it's less entertaining than its predecessors. Hrm, should I even call it Mayan? Normally, I don't really care about Hollywood historical inaccuracies, but something about this movie made me want to look it up. Probably because I thought the movie was done in bad taste, not really entertaining, and didn't understand why it's been getting more good reviews than bad.

From the San Diego Union-Tribune:
“This was not a film about the Mayas,” said Robert Carmack, a retired anthropology professor from SUNY Albany's lauded Mesoamerican program. “It's a big mistake – almost a tragedy – that they present this as a Maya film.”

Take the film's depiction of a major Maya city that serves as the setting for much of the film's third act. Many of the architectural details are correct, but they're cobbled together from different locations (including ancient cities in Guatemala and the Yucatan) and different eras, the experts said.

The sadism that permeates the movie was simply not part of the culture, the experts said. Yes, the Mayas practiced human sacrifice, but in ways that were highly ritualized and usually involved a single victim. Not pretty, to be sure, but a far cry from the slaughterhouse of mass sacrifice depicted in “Apocalypto” – a virtual conga line of the soon-to-be headless, followed by desecration of their bodies.

From the Boston Globe:
"When we tell the story of Alexander the Great, we get at least some of it right, but Mel's version of the Mayan civilization -- one of the world's great civilizations -- is totally wrong." The errors are too numerous to list here, but, as an example, Fash says he flinched while he watched Mel's Mayans run through the jungle. "They're portrayed as hunters and gatherers, and they never were," he says. "They were extremely sophisticated agriculturists." If all this seems like historical nitpicking, it isn't... "It's condescending of Mel to make money at the expense of a living culture," said Fash. "There are six million Mayan speakers out there, and it'd be too bad if Mel insulted an entire civilization and nobody was bothered by it."
(William Fash is the director of Harvard's Peabody Museum of Archaeology and Ethnology)

------
Well, how do the Mayan descendants feel about this movie? I did stumble upon this page by the Mexica Movement. Front page, has a mug shot of Mel Gibson on it with a "White Supremist" label. So, I'm guessing at least some of them are pissed off.

Apocalypto - 1/5

Spend your money and time watching The Last King of Scotland instead. Forest Whitaker has my respect as one of the most brilliant actors ever. Nobody else could've made Idi Amin's character as real as he did.

Saw 3

One word: Sux0rz

El Laberinto del Fauno

aka Pan's Labyrinth.

You know, I didn't realise it was going to be so gruesome! And it wasn't badly done gruesome either (*cough* Hostel *cough*). It's the kind of gruesome that puts the viewer's overactive imagination to good use. I couldn't stop cringing at times. With 2 days to go, Pan's Labyrinth makes it into my list of "must watch" movies for 2006. It was imaginative, artistically shot, and had a decent storyline to boot. Thanks Niffies for the hawt movie date :)

Here's one that's made it into my "don't bother" movies list - Babel. Sure, it's got Brad Pitt, and he's decent in it. So's Cate Blanchett. However, the movie is just _endlessly_ and _needlessly_ depressing. Yes, there's a theme, everyone's lives are interconnected in some way. Yes, coincidences aren't really coincidences. Hence it's possible for a Japanese businessman's hunting trip in Morroco to cause sweet little American children to lose their way in Mexico. But... so what?

Pan's Labyrinth - 4/5
Babel - 1/5

Schlocky horror goodness

The Barbican held a special event last weekend. It screened the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre with a live "soundtrack" performance by Puerto Muerto. Did the live performance add anything to the movie? Mmm, nope. Not really. They did a couple of songs that went well with the movie in the background, but that was it. The rest were just "space fillers" for moments of nothingness in the movie. Keep in mind that TCM already _has_ a soundtrack (cue screams and screechy horror noises), and when there's no music, it's probably done intentionally to add to the tension. So the addition of Puerto Muerto's tracks actually ruined parts of the movie for me. I'm not sure what Puerto Muerto were trying to achieve, and at times, it made the movie seem more like a video clip. I thought a soundtrack was meant to enhance the movie, not the other way around *shrug* My only complaint would be the stinky guy who sat next to me... Urggh... How can people smell so bad?

I don't really know how I got into horror movies. I suspect it has something to do with putting on a brave face infront of my brothers when we watched horror movies some 20 years ago. I think my fave these days, has to be House of 1000 Corpses by Rob Zombie. Inspired of course, by TCM :) It has the nutso freakish characters from the 70s, modernised and even more insane. Definitely worth a watch.

Late night cinema (Part II)

I've become a really big fan of Kubrick's artistic direction. My mostest favouritest movie of all time is The Shining. It's beautiful to watch. Scary too. Kubrick took a very typical Stephen King novel and turned it into a brilliant screenplay. It's number one on my list. If you don't have time to watch it though, here's a re-enactment by bunnies in 30 seconds. And you can read some fascinating stuff about the Overlook Hotel and how the movie was filmed here.

Scene from The Shining

Other worthy Kubrick mentions are A Clockwork Orange, Dr Strangelove and Full Metal Jacket. Although I found A Clockwork Orange's themes of violence and rape a bit passe (it's not my fault I'm desensitized, it's our generation's attitude to anything taboo these days), the movie is soo confrontational about it and way ahead of its time. I can see how scandalous A Clockwork Orange would've been back in the 70's, I almost wish I was old enough to have watched it back then. Dr Strangelove was an unexpected discovery. I never knew of Peter Sellers' talent as an actor until I saw this movie.

FORGET Spartacus and 2001. *UGH* I made myself sit through Spartacus. I couldn't handle 2001 though. The screeching monkeys-that-looked-like-humans-dressed-as-monkeys was more than I could handle.

Last note on Kubrick, what I love most about watching his films, was discovering where all the cult references we see in movies and TV today come from.