On a whim, I decided to check out the Rondon Mime Fest. I thought, puppet show from Spain. Interesting. Can't be too bad. I hopped into a cab, headed to the ICA and even waited on the waiting list for this sold-out show. I got the very last ticket. I was stoked!
65 mins later, I came out wishing I'd just stayed home. I messaged a friend, "I just watched a puppet show. It was almost like puppet pr0n. There was even puppet penis. I'm so confused..."
It is the most nonsensical show I've ever watched. Half the time I was shaking my head and going, "Wtf?!?". The other half, I was thinking, "What the hell was the point of that?"
* Opening scene: A woman gets rogered by the devil and his sidekick. The woman gets killed by the Inquisition as a result.
Me: "Wtf? Is that a penis? Omg, the devil has a puppet penis. What the hell is the devil doing rogering that woman?"
* The woman becomes a ghost. I have to admit, the ghost looked pretty cool. The woman's daughter, Thalia, becomes a maid for the King's ho. Thalia scrubs the floors, and then brings over perfume to the King's ho.
Me: "Wtf? Did the ho just put perfume on her poonani? What the hell is she doing? Omg, I'm watching puppet masturbation!"
* In comes the drunken French King. He gets it on with his ho. The lights dim. When the lights come back on, the King and his ho are NEKID and doing it doggy style.
Me: "Wtf? Is that another puppet penis? Why the hell do I need to see so much puppet penis for? Omg, he's butt slapping her porno style!!!"
* In the next scene, Thalia is tied to a tree by the King's ho. Along comes Hans, the random boy, to save Thalia. Then Hans makes out with Thalia. The ghost enters the scene, chases Hans away. Then to "protect" Thalia from men, the ghost stabs Thalia with a poisoned needle and puts her to sleep. The ghost whisks Thalia away and lies her on a rock UNDERWATER.
This is where I wanted to put on an afro and say, "Wtf? You put that bitch underwater, that motherfucker is going to DROWN".
Is any of this making sense to you so far? Don't worry it gets WORSE. I'll cut out the meaningless middle bit and get to the end.
* 7 years later, Thalia ends up nekid on a turtle, still in a coma. Hans has become a wolfboy (don't ask) and finally finds Thalia. What's the first thing he does? Kiss her breasts. Second thing? Lick her poonani. What does the turtle do? Bite Han's penis. I kid you not. Hans then proceeds to have s3x0r with the comatose Thalia (baww-chika-waow-waow).
Me: "Wtf is going on?!? Puppet penises shouldn't be that big! When does this show finish? The turtle bit his penis, you'd think he'd take her off the turtle first before having s3x0r with her!"
* Thalia gives birth. Or rather, a baby crawls out of her vag. It sits on Thalia's face and starts to self-breastfeed. Apparently childbirth isn't enough to wake Thalia up, but the breastfeeding does the trick. Thalia wakes up! Finally! Hans returns. Hans transforms into a massive wolfbeast. Hans starts licking Thalia's poonani AGAIN (see pic above).
Me: "Wtf, I hope they're not going to do puppet beastiality!!! Oh thank gawd, the show is over! Let me out of here!!!"
Fcking waste of time and money. Don't bother seeing Teatro Corsario. The arrogant players even thought they deserved four curtain calls. If I had tomatoes, I would've thrown it at them. Give me Team America anyday.
