The American Dream

It's the theme :) I'm not American, but I do have a dream. I never understood why males always treated the world as their public urinal.

You know what this is?

It's KP peeing at a sacred site in Bolivia 7 years ago :)

Heck, I want to treat the world as my public urinal too.

To help me with my mission, looky what Milli-san got me ;)

OOOOH YEAH! A SHE-WHIZ BABY!

I don't actually know if human males pee with one leg up, but it's what male dogs do, and I'm willing to try it out.

Milli-san, I'm still too conscientious of my household to try it out :| Your report will come soon :)

Orifice politics

With a little more than 48 hours left to go before I board a plane and contemplate the meaning of my existence in the middle of Blackrock desert, the last game I wanted to play is orifice politics. You know, the game where I bend over and you fck me up the ass so I can move on with my life. Yeah, that game!

I'm tired of bending over. Especially since my back doesn't get scratched. The pain defeats the pleasure.

Fck this shit, I want to be ontop.

Today, email to colleague (who has been with company for a very long time, and who will get his way regardless of anything I say or do), along the lines of:
* I don't understand your hostility;
* I've tried to accommodate you, work with you, stay out of your way;
* I don't know what else to do to prove I'm working with you, not against you;
* You've blocked my work for no reason, and you've made me look incapable of doing my job infront of colleagues;
* If you don't want to work with me, I will resign;
* I don't want to work here if people don't want me here, or if I'm not adding value;
* I'm tired of tiptoe-ing around you;
* I'm sorry but I'm not good at office politics.

I'm flying off. Shove me, I don't care. Deal with it. I've done my job and I'm ahead.

Butt Specialist - Maybe you can explain ;)

Midgets & Giants

I've been selling the online dating concept to anyone who'd listen lately *grin* Mainly because I know there's still a huge stigma attached to it within my circle, and I still think, for those who complain they never meet new people, this is an easy way to do so.

So, a friend of mine is trying out a different online dating website called Match. Out of curiousity, I used my friend's login to check out some of the profiles to see what the differences were between MSF and this one, which is also quite popular with Rondoners. Well, Match goes into a LOT more detail on what you're looking for in a person. It also shows that there are a lot of people out there with midget and giant fetishes. Check out the height requirements I've come across on some of the profiles:

*lol* These are obviously fields which have to be selected, so people _must_ have thought about this before saving their profiles. Which brings me back to my business case for a fetish brothel with midgets... Wait, have we had that conversation on my blog yet? Doesn't matter, cause next time I talk about my fetish house of ill-repute, I'm adding a level of giants to the suite ;) I've got my eye on PdF...

Shuai, this post is dedicated to you since you called for more "booty4sale" crowd pleasing posts (and not because you're a midget or giant fetishist) *grin*

Stirring

Recently, I got in a cab and as expected, got into a D&M with the cabbie. The cabbie's Muslim. Having grown up in a Muslim country, I kinda know which buttons to push *grin*

"You've _never_ had bacon? Do you know how good it tastes?!?"

"Why do women have to cover up their bodies? What do you mean it's harder for men to resist? If I see a good male body, especially a nice butt, I'm definitely attracted to it. I have thoughts about male bodies too. All the time."

The thing that got me, was how the cabbie told he had met the One, and how he knew when he met his wife, he was going to marry her. Straight away. It's love, you just know. He has 4 kids with this woman. He then mentioned his father had 15 kids by 3 different wives. I asked him what he thought, and he told me he was now interested in looking for a SECOND wife (O_o)

Me: "What do you tell your wife?"
Cabbie: "I tell her that I love her."
Me: "What will you tell your second wife?"
Cabbie: "I will tell her that I love her."

Nobody's love is that expansive that it has to be distributed to more than one person :P

Me: "Have you told your wife you're looking for a second one?"
Cabbie: "No, I'll wait till I've found someone."
Me: "Tell me, why is it ok for men to have more than one wife, and not ok for women to have more than one husband?"
Cabbie: "You know, these days, there are a lot of gay men. There is not enough men for women."

You're fcking shitting me, right?

Me: "There are a lot of gay women too!"
Cabbie: "No. Not as many."

At this stage, we had arrived at my destination. So I got his mobile number. I messaged AQA and asked, "How many gay women in London?" This was the answer that I received and forwarded to him, "London has an urban population of 8.5 million; approximately 7% of the population, or 595,000 ladies in total, are thought to be lesbian."

Needless to say, I never heard back ;) Give me a religion backed by logic and I'll follow it. Fatefully :P

The one question the cabbie didn't answer, and I actually repeated myself was, "What do you think of the Jihad against the US?"

Up to my eyeballs

Literally.

Recently I had my eyes tested. Needed contacts, and you can't buy them without a prescription in the UK. Except, things are always a little bit more complicated in the UK. It took a *full hour* to get my eyeballs tested. Here are the results.

Left eyeball:


Right eyeball:

The really bright spot in the back, that's the optical nerve. The dark patch infront, that's my retina. I think.

Verdict: Healthy eyeballs :)

It took about 5 go's at taking these pictures. Mainly because my eyes aren't big enough, and I kept squinting :P And apparently, I have long lashes! Which is a bit of a surprise to me, cause I can't see any lashes when I look in the mirror.

I was worried

A Chuck Palahniuk reading? I had bought 2 tickets on the assumption my date would say, "yes". Usually, I would've gone on my own because these days, I get a variation of one of the following responses from people:
- "Chuck Pala-who? Sorry, don't know him."
- "Tuesday?!? Are you kidding? That's a school night."
- "Tired/Working..."

All fair enough reasons. Everyone has their own lives, and time is precious enough not for me to intrude on. But come on! It's Chuck Palahniuk! Author of "Fight Club"! I still remember taking a day off work to watch it with Cassie! That Chuck Pala-who! So I took a chance and asked Frisbee Date to come with me. I'm glad I did :) I think it's the only date we've been on that I've organised so far *grin* So yeah, I was worried about putting a good date on!

Ok, to sweeten the deal, I did throw in a Hache burger for dinner. Which was a little soggy by the time I delivered it, because it absolutely PISSED DOWN on me while I was on my way to the venue :( Coincidentally, I errr, was also wearing a white top with no bra on. Oops... At least that would make any guy happy on a date :P Fear not, I had a cardi to wear over it :) I'm not that much of a floozy :P

Chuck Palahniuk started the reading by having a blow-up doll blowing up contest with the audience. That's pretty unique :) Contestants got to keep the personally autographed blow-up doll. I would've made more effort to get a doll if Frisbee Date wasn't with me *grin* Chuck did a reading of Loser (clicky here for parts 1 & 2 on youtube), and he's got a story-teller's voice. To be honest, I've read quite a few of Chuck Palahniuk's books, and none of them are that memorable. However, to see him live, he's very engaging. I came out of that reading wanting to read more of his books! He's filled with anecdotes and I think that's part of what makes him so interesting. He kept my attention for that hour. Very impressive these days because I have such a short attention span. So if you get a chance, go see him.

Yes, things with Frisbee Date going well. Until he reads this post ;)

Nature One (Part zwei)

Me and B? Pay EU$3 for a porta-shower? No way! We have BABY WIPES, thank you very much :) And deodorant, anti-bacterial hand gel, face wash, toothpaste, moisturiser and clean undies! We were prepped. So whilst waiting for the other girls to arrive from Rondon on Saturday afternoon, B and I spent quite awhile back at the airport, freshening up in the toilets *grin* Aaah, flushing toilets!! *Luxury*... I didn't think I was that skanky until I wiped every inch of myself down with baby wipes and they turned BROWN :P We can't have been too smelly though, the others were still willing to hang out with us :)

Though, Milli-san doesn't look too pleased to be this close to me *grin*

Super Di-skies! :D

Are you wondering who that random guy is in the pictures? He's a random guy down on his luck. Got pick-pocketed, had no money, only his iPhone and his tent. So we took him into our group *grin* Really cool guy actually. I'm hoping if I'm ever in the same situation, backpacker karma repays me and takes care of me the same way we took care of him.

So who else did we see? PvD and Armin :)

I can't get enough of Armin. He totally r0x0rz these days. I still listen to him everyday. By the time Armin was done, it was 4am, and we had to find a cab back to the airport. Harder than it sounds, since Hahn is in the middle of NOWHERE. With the persistence of T, Babsy and Milli-san though, we made it to the flughafen in time for our flight. Believe it or not, we were back in Rondon by 8am Sunday. I was clean and sound asleep by 8:30am :)

Thanks B for camping out with me! I had soo much fun at our first camping festival. I'm really glad we did it :)

Thanks to the rest of the girly crew for flying out to party with us for just one night! It was worth it, right? ;)

Nature One (Part ein)

After 4.5 days of R&R in Croatia, I was back in the "real world". Not that my brain was functioning very well. It took me awhile to remember some things at work :P So I tried to do more damage to my brain by partying for 3 days straight *grin*

First came Basement Jaxx with Milli-san on a Thursday night. I think I slept around 2:30am. Then on Friday, I got into the office at 7:30am and left at 2pm to meet B at Liverpool Street. We were off to Hahn for Nature One!! Wooohoooo!!

On a side note, there is something very wrong with Crapair's seats. _Everytime_ I fly with them, I get off the plane with my back aching :( I think the seat actually curves outwards, pushing your spine in a really awkward way.

We arrived at the campsite around 8:30pm, found a spot and pitched tent. I'm glad it wasn't raining, I'm glad we still had plenty of daylight, and I'm glad we practised tent pitching beforehand *grin* We picked a spot directly under a massive pole with a heavy-duty spotlight marked "F12", so we'd know how to find it in the mix of hundreds of other tents that were pitched there too. It was AMAZING. At first we thought the music we were hearing came from the festival, but no - the music was pumping out of people's tents!! Some tents were totally awesome, huge enough for people to stand in with proper sleeping areas. Some people had marquees setup. Plenty of Germans bbqing weiners over small campfires. It was just really cool to be amidst all of it :)

Isn't our tent lovely? :D

We were soo happy sitting in our tent people-watching, eating nuts and drinking duty-free vodka, we even contemplated missing the Friday night festivities! *lol*

However, we were here to see TIESTO! So off we went to the festival ground to check out how the Germans partied.

The setup is quite different from anything I've been to before. The main tent is smack bang in the middle and at the bottom of several hills. On top of each hill is another tent! Mostly pumping out extremely hardcore German house music. We went inside one, and I felt like I was in a running club because of the way people were dancing :P Unfortunately, because the hills were fairly close to each other, the doof doof music started to clash against each other. The idea was pretty cool though. Those hills are pretty steep, so before we got ourselves more drunk, B and I decided to hike up the hill for an overview of the area :) Here's a pic of the main tent from the top of a hill.

Lasers, yay!

Ferry Corsten was very very MEH. He didn't even play his signature Digital Punk :( I was disappointed by how bland his music was that night.

Tiesto was really really REALLY GOOD :D I had forgotten how awesome he was :) It's been two years since I had seen him live. I'd love to see him again.

At 5am, after about half an hour of Dubfire from Deep Dish, we decided to hit the tent. Pitching under that massive spotlight was a brilliant idea *grin* I was a very very tired and happy oriental :) Sleeping on the ground took a bit of getting use to with all the lumps. At least I have a knack for sleeping anywhere though. Poor B couldn't sleep. Mainly cause of the doof doof music that was pumping out from nearby tents *grin*

I had so much fun camping out at Nature One :) My only distressing moment, was facing the portaloos the next morning *shudder* I won't go into how gross it was *shudder*....

Hvar (Part ii)

What did I love most about Croatia? Daliborus of course ;)

Misses my boozy floozy :( See you in Greece next year!


Here are some of my fave pix:





Rocks just aren't the same as saaand:



Happy me :)

*Ahem* Also, things I learnt about on this trip:
"Pig-on-a-spit"
"Eiffel tower"
"What to do with soap when constipated"
"Germans love buttplay"

Promises promises (Hvar Part i)

Daliborus: "We're going to the island where the rich people go for hookers and cocaine."

Me: "OOOooh!"

Delivered: Island where fat nekid Germans go to sunbathe *lol*

The bay itself was amazing :) The view.... Let's just say I'm really glad I have bad eyesight. Nothing worse than gazing out onto the most beautiful clear blue waters, when suddenly a nudie beer-bellied, DANGLY, foreigner wanders into view! I averted my eyes, only to cop an eyeful of an extremely large nudie Grandma reclining on a deckchair. Not the usual perky standard of boobies I'm used to :P

Ah yes, the pebbles :) Luckily I'm used to European beaches by now.


All I can say is, don't get off at the first stop the water taxi takes you to!! *lol*

(No, I didn't take all my clothes off :P)

Double-D

It's not a cup size, it's the D-brothers! :)

Me: "Dejan, look happy!!!"
Dejan: "This _is_ me happy!"
Daliborus: "Yup, that's him happy."

5pm Tuesday, I turned on my Out of Office message and hurried out the door. 2:30am Wednesday, I woke up and got dressed. At 3am, I hopped into a cab for Victoria station. 4am, I was at Gatwick airport. 6am, I was on a plane to Croatia. 9:50am, I was eating an apple strudel and having a coffee at Split airport. Warmth... Blue sea scenery... Bliss... At 1pm, the D-brothers arrived to pick me up and we were ON OUR WAY!!! :D To be honest, I fell asleep a lot of the way *grin* However, everytime I woke up, we seemed to have lost our way and were on some windy narrow road. Best I stayed asleep for those moments :)

Dejan pre-coffee:

For 4.5 days, I was an Honorary D-brother :) Loved every minute of it *grin*

Kell Skott

Props to my hairdresser. Kell's the one responsible for my change of hairstyle. Tonight, he hosted a par-tay with freebie facials, hand and feet treatments! Oh, and free hair analysis too *grin*

OH, and freebie champers ;)

Hope you had a good time girlies! :D

Bad habit

Drinking (3 champers + 1 beeru) makes me buy things online :( Latest order:

Other impulse buys from GAMA-GO:


(This is my absolute fave hoodie of all time)

To all you Sydneriers out there freezing in your 20 degree "Winter", consider buying a hoodie from here ;)

Cultural sensitivity

I work for a large global company. You'd *think* they'd be a little more culturally sensitive. Maybe it's just cause I've just had one of those days when I'm paying more attention to detail than usual. I was waiting in the foyer for some friends, when I noticed the area being cordoned off for a formal reception. There are drinks being served to guests. Obviously it had to be an important reception, it's right smack bang in the front entrance with a trio of cellist and violinists playing songs like Pachelbel's "Canon" and Vivaldi's "Four Seasons" to greet guests.

What do I notice? Two caucasian women dressed in Cheong Sams with freaking CHOPSTICKS in their hair. The white plastic ones you find in any dang Chinese restaurant.

Wtf? I can understand if we're at a party taking the piss, but we're greeting "important" business people and this is how we represent?!? Dude, at least use _expensive_ chopsticks. Have you _seen_ orientals in Asia with chopsticks in their hair?!? Do I turn up at western business meetings with a plastic fork in my hair?!?

Geezus. Yeah, it's been one of those days...

How do I feel?

About the new 3G iPhone coming out? *Shrug* The only thing that bugs me is that it's sooo much cheaper than the one I have. SOOOO much cheaper. Half the price cheaper!! On the other hand, mine's still hackable, and I'm not forced to register. Not that people who stood in line for ages in the UK could register *grin* They're calling it the iPocalypse. Lack of 3G and GPS doesn't really bother me either. Although GPS probably would've been handy when I was in Hampstead Heath this weekend :)

I think the other thing that bugs me is that the latest iPhone has a jack which fits normal earphones. Now _why_ couldn't they have done that in the first place??

Early adoption hasn't really benefited me yet when it comes to Apple products. It's definitely worked the other way though. I've honestly become an iPhone salesman :P Never loved a phone so much before. Don't worry my 2G baby, I'm not trading you in yet...

2pm: Tent practise!

This year, B and I are heading to Nature One in Hahn, and camping out for the weekend! Which is really cool, but we were a bit worried about our wildlife survival skillz. So today we walked over to Regent's Park for TENT PRACTISE! *deeer-deeeer-deeeeerhn* It being a fine chilly day in Rondon with some sunshine and all, the park was packed :P So we had to wander around a bit to find a secluded spot where nobody would laugh at us or kick us out *grin*

Opening ze tent:

Now, I'm pretty good at following IKEA instructions. These instructions though were totally craphouse!

"Coloured tabs?!? What coloured tabs? Everything's green!"
"Eh? Guyholes? What? What do they look like?"
"Which is the inner tent? What's the flysheet?!?"

Yes yes, we were complete n00bs. I'd been camping before, but the tents were usually up by the time I got to the campsite *grin*

Getting there... we finally figured out the whole pole to pin thing:


VOILA! Ze erected tent! With porch even!

Not bad for a couple of n00bies eh? :) Boys & Girls, if you're reading this and you want to try out a festival with us, this is the time to do it. I doubt we'd be doing much more camping or festivalling after this :P

Chap Olympiad!

I will admit, I had slim chances of making it there. Not because of the clues I had to the location, but because I'm soooo crap at directions. Shuai will understand *grin* I've always told Shuai, "I'll navigate, and I'll guarantee you we'll get there. Eventually."

Have you any idea how HUUUUGE Hampstead Heath is?!?

Dear lord. I started off well. I got off at the right station. That was Clue #1. Clue #2 said I should walk between two ponds. That's where I went wrong. There is more than one path between ponds :P By the time I realised I was on the wrong path (because I could suddenly see people bathing in the pond where I was suppose to be, apparently it's a great gay pick-up spot because skinny dipping is allowed), I thought, "I'm close to the end of this path, surely I can just turn left and meet up with the other path".

Bad move.

I got to the end of the path, and it exited the park. So I wandered to the left a bit, then down a bit, and entered the park again at a completely different spot. I then spent the next HOUR walking inside the park. I was dying of thirst. Clues at this point were hopeless.

Eventually, I bumped into a bunch of Engrish dandies.

Tracking some dandies in the wild:

So I followed them :) And stepped into a different time! Boat hats, pipes, tweed jackets, turbans, handlebar moustaches :) I gotta say it was fun seeing everyone dressed up, and I felt left out. It turned out to be a great sunny day for a picnic. Warm enough for me to take off my jacket *grin*

I was kinda miffed though that the Engrish dandies decided to make fun of the stereotypical oriental. The Fu Manchu with the whiskers and round glasses, made an appearance dressed in a sumo suit. I'm all for taking the piss... but when "Chap-a-San" (*groan*) lost every fight, and people hissed and boo'd when he toppled his opponent - That was a bit hard to take.

*Shrug* I'll upload a vid when Flickr decides to work.

All in all, a good day :) I'd love to do this again next year, with a bunch of friends all dressed up.