It's happened...

One of the questions I've always asked people is, "What if your family or mates don't like your partner, would you want to know?" The typical answer is a shrug followed by, "Yeah, I guess... but if I'm with someone I love, it wouldn't matter".

What's that quote from Shakespeare's "Twelfth Night"?

"Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind;
and therefore is winged Cupid painted blind."

I think it does matter. I think if my family and friends don't like the person I'm with, there's *got* to be something wrong with that person. I think of who my closest family and friends are. I think about what good people they are. How open-minded most of them are. How caring we are towards each other. How much we respect each other. For my family and friends not to like someone, there's a dang well good reason for it. That person's most likely a dick :P

99% of the time, I get along well enough with a close one's partner. I've just hit that 1% snag. It's been unbearable. I know I don't have to spend time with this person's partner, but it can't be helped. I know I don't have to speak to this person's partner, but it can't be avoided. To be honest, it's bringing out the worst in me :( My tongue seems to have a mind of its own. Everytime his name is brought up in random conversation (and it happens A LOT), quick as a flash I retort with a biting remark. Then I feel like shit for being hurtful to someone close to me. At the same time, I feel like I've been goaded into it. Just stop saying his name and I'll be fine! :P

The guy's a twat :P A genuine twat. I can honestly say this, because I've spent enough time talking to him and being around him.

Should I say something outright? Should I keep quiet? Some things, I don't think people are ready to hear. People just don't want to be told because you know what? Put yourself in their shoes - would you rather face the future alone, or be with someone you love regardless of how twatty that person is?

Judgment tells me to just be quiet.

Here's what I want from you - If I ask you what your impression of my date is (and I will), always tell me the truth. I know I might be upset, I know I might not listen at the time, but I still want to know. I won't hate you for it. If I wanted the, "As long as you're happy" line, I'd ask my Mum :P

"Ooh, my squiddly spooch!"

I woke up early on Sunday with some sharp pains in my abdomen. "Food poisoning?" I wonder. Nope, B and Diskies were still in good health and we ate the same food the night before. "Well, can't be bloody appendicitis since I don't have an appendix anymore". I rolled over and went back to sleep. "No Step & Tone class for me today". I woke up soon after with the same stabbing stomach cramps.

Ruh roh. This can't be good. Maybe it's that time of the month when I'm reminded how lovely it is to be a woman :P Erm, nope, not that either.

When I woke up with the same cramps this morning, I started to get *real* worried. A quick search on the internets tells me about Acute Pancreatitis.

"Acute pancreatitis causes abdominal pain. It usually settles in a few days but sometimes it becomes severe and very serious. Gallstones or drinking a lot of alcohol are the usual causes."

So I drew up a Drinking Diary for the past couple of weeks:
Saturday 13/12/2008: Half bottle umeshu, 2 vodkas
Friday 12/12/2008: Half bottle white wine, 1 glass dessert wine
Tuesday 09/12/2008: Couple glasses white wine, 3 bloody marys
Monday 08/12/2008: 4 bloody marys
Sunday 07/12/2008: 1 bloody mary
Saturday 06/12/2008: Numerous vodkas, numerous shots. Enough for me to do this.
Friday 05/12/2008: 1 pre-dinner bloody mary, half bottle of red, sake, 2 caprioskas, 2 vodkas
Thursday 04/12/2008: 3 beers
Tuesday 02/12/2008: 1 pre-dinner cocktail, 1 (or 2?) dinner bloody mary, 1 post-dinner cocktail
Sunday 30/11/2008: 1 caipirinha, couple glasses sangria
Saturday 29/11/2008: Some dinner vino, some Pimms, some vodkas
Friday 28/11/2008: 1 beer, numerous cocktails.

Bugger.

Those random stabbing pains I'm feeling are right - I _am_ drinking too much :( I'm sure it doesn't sound like much to some, especially since it's the holiday season. But... I think back to the days when I use to go drinking, and those were my grad days and I only got pissed on Fridays!

Right now, I feel like I have a swollen squiddly spooch inside of me. Every so often, it tries to do a painful inverted somersault. If I could stroke it, I would. Time to give it a rest...

The Big Picture

Normally, I'm a fan of the World Press Photo exhibitions. This year, I was kinda disappointed. Something about it, wasn't as sensational or moving as previous years. My new fix for journalism photography is The Big Picture hosted by boston.com. It's got *amazing* pictures of events around the world. Here's a sample:

"Muslim pilgrims perform the "Tawaf" ritual around the Kaaba at Mecca's Grand Mosque before leaving the holy Saudi city at the end of the annual Hajj pilgrimage on December 10, 2008. (KHALED DESOUKI/AFP/Getty Images)"

"A woman walks through floodwaters on Piazza San Marco during floods on December 1, 2008 in Venezia. (ANDREA PATTARO/AFP PHOTO/AFP/Getty Images)"


"People standing on the roadside shower flower petals as the body of Hemant Karkare, the chief of Mumbai's Anti-Terrorist Squad is taken for cremation in Mumbai, India, Saturday, Nov. 29, 2008. (AP Photo/Saurabh Das)"


"An Indian commando runs into Taj Hotel prior to a gun battle in Mumbai November 28, 2008. (REUTERS/Arko Datta)"

PS: The coolest thing about the Hajj to Mecca, is that there's an algorithm for crowd control implemented to prevent the notorious stampedes and deaths which happen :)

Talking about r'ships

Miss K: "Aren't they all troublesome?"
Me: "*I'm* not troublesome!"
Miss K: "Not you! All the guys!"

*lol*

Well, yeah, now that you've mentioned it, they all are ;) They better be worth it.

What's in a name?

The funny thing about my name is that it constantly gets a mysterious "L" placed in it. Especially in emails. In fact, I was just called "Shileen". That's a new one, since most of the time I get "Shirleen". Where _is_ that "L" coming from? It's nowhere near the "R" or "E" keys. It's on the other side of the keyboard! My first name isn't long or complicated enough already, so let's throw in another random letter?

The thing I can't figure out though, is that if someone can get my email address right, how on earth did they get my name wrong in the first line of the email?!?

It's a pet annoyance of mine, since on business emails my eyeballs automatically flick up to check what I've typed out against the email address. Definitely don't want to be calling someone senior a "Doody" when they're a "Dody"... I kinda expect people to do the same, especially if they're wanting answers from me :P

The true meaning of Globalisation

It's been exactly a year (Thanksgiving 2007!) since I'd seen Becky:

It's been... almost 3 years (Jan 2006!) since I'd seen Alwinee.

All of us live in different cities. From Rondon, to Moo York, to Shangers. It made me realise how lucky I am to have the type of friends who love to travel the globe :) Distance doesn't mean anything. Time doesn't mean anything. Wherever we are in the world, we'll find each other, and we'll pick up where we left off. It was always like that over the years when T came back to Sydnery for a visit :) It was like that everytime I came back to Sydnery for a visit, and all the crew took me under their wing.

Which explains the "business lunch" I had with Becky. Oysters, scallops, photography exhibitions, topped off with a 3-restaurant-feast *grin*

Erm, also the "business lunch" I had with Alwinee. 4 hours of Gaucho steak and a bottle of wine; 2 hours of shopping and cocktails; 2 hours at a Tennis Club club ;)

Determined

12 days. I will be gone from The Corporation.

The biggest disappointment I've had this year, is when the coolest of coolest bosses I've ever had, was mysteriously made to "disappear" from The Corporation. There were excuses given. Personal family issues. Yet, everyone knew it wasn't about his family. Yet, nobody at the executive level gave a reason. A believable one anyway.

I met up with him tonight. I canned whatever plans I had to meet up with him. He looked like a man who'd been hurt. 20 years he'd been with The Corporation. Rumour has it, he's been forced to take a 6 month sabbatical and he was to leave his team. Rumour has it, he'd stepped on someone's toes. Unfortunately for him, those toes are dang well high up on the ladder.

I won't work for The Corporation which crushes the right people who were in the right places. This man made decisions. This man wasn't scared to say what needed to be said. This man delivered.

He paid for it.

Is there a lesson to be learnt? I don't know. All I know is that it fcking crushed me when I found out that the one person I had looked up to in a long time, was made to disappear :(

You're terrible, Muriel

I shouldn't have driven
You shouldn't have driven - but we got there
Had a good time, so we left the car
And the cabby was from a war-zone
We were glad he was driving us home
I was gladder of some movement
You took it on, you took it on board
I said, "Thank you, thank you, for loving me at my worst"

3am... I *think* I had said my goodbyes to Alwinee. I got in the cab. Halfway home, I roll down the window in the black cab and stick my head out. I get really, REALLY messy. But hey, whatever steak and vodka that comes out of me, comes out outside of the cab, eh? :) I can't stop. I feel a comforting pat on my back. We get out at home. The cabbie insists we wash the cab door. I run upstairs for the bucket. B grabs it from me and demands I go to bed. I swallow some Nurofen and pass out, leaving T, B & Diskies with the mess...

If this isn't love it's very close
Can you hear the world is waking up?
Can we be crazy for a few more years?
Have I got them in me?

*grin* Someone remind me next time that I can't hold my vodka down?!?

(Anna Banana sent me "The Best of The Whitlams" CD this week :) Don't be surprised if I start telling you to blow up the pokies *grin*)

Holy crap

I'm scaring the bejeezus out of myself by watching "Touching the Void" :(

Did I really sign up for ice-climbing? (o_O)

Ai-yai-yai...

What's it all mean?!?

I chuckled when I overheard the people next to me bitch about someone high up getting a 25K squiddie bonus this year. They're bitching because 25K squiddies is a BIG bonus for this year. Aaah, the Golden Times have passed by indeed. I use to wonder and gasp when I was told bonuses for bankers were DOUBLE their salary! Back in the day, with the squiddie to Aussie exchange rate, you could earn half a million per year *easy* with that kind of deal!

So I asked someone I knew who wouldn't mind disclosing, "What's the biggest bonus you ever got working in The City?"

The answer: "The highest bonus I got in London was 150k gbp. That's nothing in the city, I know people get multiples of that, even millions."

I hate the term "credit crunch". It's such a ridicurous term!! So I enforce it *grin*
"Sorry, no training this year. There's a credit crunch."
"Sorry, no 24/7 helpdesk this year. There's a credit crunch."
"Sorry, can't fix those reports now. Lack of resources atm. There's a credit crunch."

What's it all mean? Sub-prime mortgages? Shorting? CDOs? Lehmans going bankrupt? None of it meant anything. Then I read this article last night. Easy money, it's the dream - Only too many people wanted it. Those people sold out everyone, including themselves in the end. The smart ones who could see through the "dream" survived. They're the ones I respect. They questioned what was going on, but nobody wanted to pay attention. They called out bluffs, and nobody believed. So they made money by figuring out a way to profitably short the companies that gave out subprime mortgages, as well as the rating agents who didn't do their job.

Maybe I chuckled because I think the finance world is evil for loaning money to people who couldn't afford to pay it back. To me, that's evil shit.

So. How has the dreaded crunch affected me?

It's going to be harder for me to find a new contract because of all the redundancies happening left, right and center in Rondon atm. Apart from that, I haven't noticed a change. I'm still out and spending. However, saving has always been tough for me since I closed my Dollarmite account ;) How lucky do you think I am though, to have a job that I hate so much? It pays well. Fck that shit, I've had enough and I'm resigning in 18 days. Regardless of the uncertainty I face, I'd rather not spend 8 hours a day, 5 days a week, sitting at my desk in misery and hating. Credit crunch be damned!

Err, but feel free to support me in this time of financial crisis ;)

Jorn Utzon

There are some things in Sydnery that I will always go back to. I'll always find the time to sit in the sun, infront of the Opera House. I love looking at it. Sydnery wouldn't be Sydnery without this iconic building. It's so unique. I've seen it a million times, but everytime, I can't help but pull out my camera to take another shot.

Thank you Jorn, for giving us such a beautiful gift. Thank you for all the sunny times I sat and stared in wonder as I sipped my cocktail and read my books :) Sorry our government treated you like shit *sigh*

I am ninja!

You are ninja too ;) Thank roo Milli-San, I hearts it (>_<) Hehehe..

1:55am

I stare at my iPhone. "Just five more mins, then get out of here", I think to myself. At 1:57am my iPhone flashes to life with a message from Diskies, "How's cargo? I'm gonna head home..." Quick as a flash, I message back, "Meeee too. See you bus stop?"

After an evening of dumplings, lobster noodles, roast duck, cocktails - I just wanted to go home. It was close to midnight. I didn't want to trek all the way from West Rondon to East Rondon. I knew it was going to be hell to get back. Yet I was egged on by everyone else who was either:
a) UNDER 30 AND THINKING I WAS AN OLD FART; or
b) OVER 30 AND WISHING TO LIVE VICARIOUSLY THROUGH ME.

*lol* Don't get me wrong, I'm always up for a good time. But I was sooooo close to home! A 10 squid cab ride away! A four min walk from Baker Street tube away! But no, the others insisted I had to party on.

So, I caught the last tube to Old Street. I got lost and was guided by two Germans to Cargo. I looked in despair at the massive queue outside. I bucked up and politely asked the security guy, "Excuse me, can I ask? Are you letting people in?" The security guard took pity on me and let me in without having to queue up. Aaah, the power of a cute smile ;) That was my happy moment of the night.

In the end, it didn't matter. I couldn't find my friends. Yup, I was on my own and officially sobered up by the chill outside. *Sigh* At least the music was decent. So I line up for my beer, I dance a little, then I wish I had followed my gut instincts and just gone home.

Never go against your gut. It's not about age. It's about knowing yourself well.

What makes Obama cool?

* The hope Obama gives to America and the rest of the world every week :) Heck, I'm subscribed to his youtube channel, and I don't even follow politics (let alone American politics).

* Because Obama cares about what the nation wants. He's actually asking Americans to suggest ways to improve and to vote for the top ideas. That's cool :)

Happy Turkey Day!

AARRR, me matey!

The other evening, the geeks at the dinner table started talking about the "faux pas" of admitting to work colleagues, "I download". They were getting dirty looks, and treated like low-life convicts who should be shipped off to an island infested with poisonous snakes and spiders which feast on birds *grin* Well, not quite, but the gist of the story was, don't admit it because the activity is frowned upon by the public and by artists. You dirty downloader, you.

Eh? Really? I talk about downloading all the time. I explain to anyone who wants to know what torrents are. I give recommendations on what to watch. I tell people immediately when I've seen a great movie. I don't get the dirty looks.

Here's why I think downloading has been "good for everyone":
* I would never see the film otherwise. Torrents make obscure, cult classics, foreign, arthouse films easily available.
* Downloading doesn't stop people from buying. I remember reading about the outcome of a study done in Japan. Regardless of the high rate of downloads, music sales still went UP. People are still BUYING music.
* I still buy DVDs, CDs and MP3s. Freaking hell, it all adds to the mess underneath my bed. I hate buying shit because it takes up space I don't have, but I still do it. MP3s less so because of all the DRM it comes wrapped in. Saying that, I just bought The Whitlams' album on iTunes last week cause I couldn't find "Thank you (for loving me at my worse)" easily. (Yeah, I know, I can't believe I'm listening to The Whitlams either)
* I still buy good software. My copy of OS X is an original. It's underneath my bed with the rest of my crap.
* I still buy movie tickets. In fact, I chuckled when I read this TechDirt article. Dark Knight, despite being the "most pirated film of 2008", is also likely to be the "biggest grossing film of the year". The bit that got me chuckling though, was this line in TechDirt:
"...in such a scenario, you could even make the argument that the more people saw the movie in download format, the more willing they would be to go pay to see the IMAX version, to get the full experience".

Because that is *exactly* what happened with me. I was about 5 mins into the movie on my MBP, when I hit pause, and thought, "Fck it, I gotta go see this at IMAX!". Cost me £12.50, the only session I could get was 11:30pm, and I got home around 2am - still, I'm glad I watched Dark Knight at IMAX.

That evening at dinner, I was hit with the comment, "That's just you". Implying, I am one of the rare who downloads and still buys. This proves it - It's not just me. Granted, not everyone splashes the cash after downloading, but enough people do it to still make a huge positive impact on the industry.

Downloading is a distribution model that's frowned upon because people don't see the potential of the technology behind it, and don't know how to make money off it. Because that's what it comes down to. Do you think record or movie companies would be so pissy if they were getting a cut? If artists were willing to go out on a limb and ask their fans to "pay what you think it's worth" for an album download, do you think they're going to go broke, or make more money?

Ask Radiohead, because that's exactly what they did with their last album. Ask Underworld who have been broadcasting their gigs live for awhile now. Ask NIN who offered fans a free download of their latest album (as soon as I found this out, I alerted a NIN-fan friend of mine), and different price packages for the limited edition release. Ask Lily Allen who started out by posting demos on MySpace.

I'm not saying that downloading isn't stealing. I'm saying downloading opens up a brand new world, to a brand new audience. So don't be such a hater about it *grin* For all the noise you hear about downloading media being bad, to my knowledge no kittens have been punished yet :P You just never hear about the good.

To be honest, these days when I download music, it comes free anyway. Courtesy of DJs who have caught on to podcasting :) Those podcasts are responsible for making me leave the country to attend their gigs. Tell me how this isn't helping the artist?

Btw, here's Monty Python's take on things :)

I can't quit my day job

I came across this article the other day, and it got me thinking - I should really start making more effort to do something I enjoy for a job. I'm extremely miserable at my desk for an extremely long part of the day. Those days add up. What a waste! In fact, the past few days, I've been sitting at my desk organising a trip to Amsterdam... AGAIN. If I have anymore time on my hands, I'm going to organise a new tattoo. This is not good.

So I looked for career advice in the form of Shuai :)

11:48 L-S: I guess to be methodical you can go about this in two ways:

1. You can look at your CV and think about what jobs you could do and hope something you like comes up.

2. You can think about what you enjoy doing and work backwards to what that job might be.

11:49 me: I'm trying for option 2.

but it's hard when, all i enjoy doing is:

1. eating

11:50 2. clubbing

3. travelling

4. looking at good looking guys lol

so if there was a job out there which required me to fly around and entertain good looking guys, i'd be perfect for it :)

11:52 L-S: Haha :) I think there'd be high demand for that kind of job!!

Anyone know where I can get a job like that? ;)

If you see me idling out on gmail, can you please tell me to fix my CV?

Internets down

For most of tonight, internets was down. That's right, NO SURFING. *Egads* No RSS feeds? No online shopping?!? So what does a girl like me do to chillax?!?

Sadly, I found myself watching my torrents and hovering over Firefox in the dock :P (Thank gawd torrents were still working :D )

Then I watched In Bruges. It is so dark, and it is soo hilarious :) Please watch. New respect for Colin Farrell as an actor. It also showcases how uniquely delicious British films can be when you're so used to Hollywood :) Two thumbs up!

Tradition

I don't work on my birthday, that's just how it rolls *grin* It avoids all the awkwardness and fussiness at work that I hate.

So, what do I do on my traditional birthday off? If I was in Sydnery, I'd head to my hairdresser for my annual haircut, then head to the beach to reflect on the past year. Here in Rondon, I still get the haircut, only this year it was early because I had to chop off my hair to fit into my hat. So SURPRISE! No more hair :P Except for a fringe, cause last time, that's the one thing I hated about getting a short haircut :P

Before anyone brings it up, "YEEES, I know I kissed some girls at my party. NOOO, I'm not a lesbian yet and this haircut doesn't prove anything".

What's with the pony? Everytime someone at work asks me what I want, I reply with, "A pony". Guess what someone got me for my birthday *grin* It's a *really* nice pony actually.

Onwards! Due to hemispherical variances and lack of beaches in Rondon, I spend birthdays reflecting in art galleries and museums instead. This year I went to see Annie Leibovitz at the National Portrait Gallery. You've probably seen her work before, just never realised it. She's the one that took Demi Moore naked when pregnant. She's also the one that took John Lennon's last ever photo, he was shot five hours later. She's also taken portraits of the Queen! Her exhibition is intensely personal though, with portraits of her parents aging, and her lover fading from cancer. I say go see it, but I like Annie's type of art. I just don't know how she gets the shots that she does.

I think I've spent the last year asking my elders, "What do you do when you turn 30?" The camps are clearly divided. It's either:
* All downhill from here; or
* You'll love it because you know yourself better.

I was trying to be optimistic... UNTIL my dang body broke down on my FIRST DAY of being 30! I have a racking cough, a sneeze that has probably popped my eardrums, nostrils that need to be plugged up, and green phlegm.

Yup yup, "all downhill from here" it is :P

I don't really want to end on a sad note *grin* So I'll just say, that being 29 has been wonderful :) My friends have been totally awesome in living it up with me. We've been eating (my favourite hobby) lots. We've been partying hard (my second favourite hobby *grin*). We've been flying to destinations we've always dreamt of. I was 29, living in the middle of Rondon, and healthy ;)

Now where's cuppa and my cardi? :P

30 years, 30 snogs

DG: "I meant to tell you, you pashed my gf last night!"
Me: "Did I?!? Are you sure?"
DG: "Yes! No tongue, but if you were a guy, I would've punched you."
Me: "Oooh, I remember now. HEY, she kissed me back!" :P

Blame T, it was her idea *grin* Some liked it, others - maybe not so much *lol* The trick is, to clasp one hand firmly on the victim's cheek and hold on tight as you go in for the *SMOOCHIE* Very hard to escape! :P

Happy Birthday Diskies :) Thanks T&B for looking after me :) Thanks to everyone who came and made my Hat Party dream come true for my 30th! *lol* All the pix are up here. Oh, and Trailer Happiness is a coolass bar :)

Slowly but surely

Do you know what it's like when you know you can't remember?

I open a browser, I'm distracted for 5 seconds by a question from a colleague. I glance back at the browser and think, "What was I suppose to look up?!?"

Do you know what it's like to know to take B12 vitamins to improve your memory... Only to forget that you're suppose to take it at all? :P

Short term memory is what I long for, long term memory is the one I wish to let go of...