Clarity

How funny.

The Whirlwind was in town and we were going to hang out today before he jumped onboard a plane back to his side of the world. I guess I shouldn't be surprised that not only was he a no-show, but he also didn't bother to let me know he couldn't make it this time. I didn't really feel anything. He's irresponsible enough that I know this is just how he works. I'm just annoyed at myself for falling for it. Whatever *it* was.

Later on in the evening, I met up with a guy from speed dating. This was the first time we'd met up since the event. Alas! Nice enough guy, decent looking, but sadly no spark throughout the evening. As I teased him over my half-pint of Amstel, I quietly asked myself if I could see myself in a relationship with this nice-enough-guy. In other words, could I just "settle" for whatever's thrown at me these days? Because, let's be honest, I'm not a spring chook anymore :P

After a second half-pint of Guinness, I was relieved to find the answer in my heart is still no.

Wait... If I'm not settling for a sparkless Nice Guy, why on earth was I putting myself through the emotional wringer for a Bad Guy? Who didn't even live in the same city as me? Who made me feel like a mental stalker waiting around for his calls? I think I overrated spark (and six-packs). Spark (and six-packs) are great *grin*, but it's no excuse for turning a blind eye to all those other things that are wrong.

So I wrote Whirlwind a goodbye email and told him not to contact me anymore. Shuttit... He's on a plane, so there's noway I can do this over the phone :P Besides, I'm too cheap to make an international call *grin*

Closure feels good. Understanding how "settling" seems so much more plausible and tempting at this stage of my life though, feels awful.