Things I saw in Cambodia

Firstly, did you know Tin Tin had a mishap in Cambodia?

I never read this one:

The beauty:





Me in ruins (800+ year old ruins!):

The poverty.
Where a woman with a baby rows up to us and begs for money:


The fried stuff (crickets and spiders):


The evil:

Even though we'd pledged it would never happen again after 1945, it happened between 1975-1979. My parents wouldn't have survived. My brother born in 1972 would've been shot. I would've starved to death if I made it. 2 million people died. 8000 skulls are piled up high in the killing fields. So how can we say we've learnt our lesson?

Moral dilemmas

I saw the part of Asia that I never saw before. I grew up amongst bougainvilleas, hawker food, night markets and baseball played with a 2x4.

I was the first in line to vote for seeing ping pong in Bangkok. Sure, it's always been funny in pop culture. The thought of seeing someone project a ping pong ball from their va-jay-jay seemed high-la-ri-ous.

Until I stepped in. There's someone in there who could be my sister. And my mother. Even my grandmother. *That one*, she could be my brother!

It's not just that which makes it less funny. It's not funny at all. Women shouldn't honk horns, draw "Welcome!" signs, shoot darts out of their va-jay-jay. How the hell do you even find out you can do those sort of things? So yeah, it's really depressing to watch. It's depressing to watch the 50-something year old beer-bellied white guy with a wedding ring on, get a blow job just a meter away behind us. It's disgusting to watch him rub his face into a girl's muff just because he can.

But... what other choice is there?

I'm in the Russian markets in Phnom Penh...
(My Ma: "Why do they call it Russian markets? I didn't see any Russians..."
Me: "Maaaa, I told you, a lot of foreigners used to live here. The foreigners were mainly RUSSIAN and they use to come here all the time!").

Me: "I'd love to buy that for our niece, but it's probably made by a kid our niece's age."
My brother: "SO? Would you rather our niece prostitute herself? It's either work in a sweatshop or sell yourself for sex."

Me: "So what sort of power plant are you building? Nu-cu-lear?"
My brother: "Nope. Coal."
Me: "Wtf? What happened to green and global warming? Coal is filthy!"
My brother: "They can't afford it. It's coal or the people die. What do you want? Do you want them to die?"

My brother: "That's the prime minister's house. It took three years to build."
Me: "That's a freaking mansion!!! Wtf, there are people sleeping on the streets outside his house."
My brother: "Yup."

That's the side of Asia I never saw growing up. We were poor, but we weren't dirt poor. We were corrupt, but we weren't *that* corrupt that teachers and doctors had to be paid to do their jobs. Corruptness to the point where NGO's could pay for penthouses for self, spare apartments for storage and visiting friends.

A middle-aged guy sat next to me on the plane from Bangkok to Singapore. I eavesdropped as he told the lady on the other side he'd been to Pattaya, Bangkok, Hua Hin, etc. My first thought - You sleazy bastard. Wtf is someone your age doing travelling alone in Thailand?

I perpetuated. It doesn't make me sleep easy.

Beauty really is skin deep.

Analytics

Here's what I've learnt from Google Analytics' "keyword source" tonight *grin*

a) There is hope for oriental guys wanting to date non-oriental gals:

b) "Council Estate Skanks" is the one to watch:

Will eat for love

As boring as it may sound, I spent my my 31st birthday with my parents :) No getting drunk, no running away, no mad hats and kissing girls. Just eating lots with my beloved parents and family :) It sounds weird, but my family are feeders.

We talk about food when we wake up, we talk about food one meal ahead, we eat between meals, and we talk about food before we sleep. My fondest childhood memories are of eating hawker food late at night with my Mum, Dad and brothers. My Mum helping me to squat and pee in a monsoon drain after supper (ssssh, don't tell my future employers that I can do the oriental squat!).

Instead of the Maccas scale to judge the standard of living in different countries, we have the crab scale.

Chilli crabs in Singapore:


Chilli and curry crabs in Thailand (sorry, forgot to take a pic!)

Salty egg (Haam Daan) crabs in Cambodia -

Which country had the best value crab meal?

WEEEELL....
Biggest crab ever, goes to Singapore Chilli Crabs.
Err, with crabs from Sri Lanka. HUUUUGEN:

Best value for money, Thai crabs. Cheap as chips! 2 mud crabs for next to nothing in Baht (again, sorry no pix).

Tastiest crab goes to CAAAMBODIA :) Which surprisingly has a lot of really good seafood. For exorbitant US prices. More on that later.

Here's what my Dad told me on the last day of our holiday together - "What do you want to eat? CRAB. PRAWNS. Because I know you're not going to have the same in Rondon! You will never find this in Rondon!"

My Dad was right. Best. Birthday. Ever.

(Followed very closely by the time the dFs, B, He Who Shall Not Be Named and I went mental for a week :) )

Here are the other foodie pix from Singapore (where a brilliant laksa cost me less than 2 squids) and Cambodia.

THAT laksa:

Char Kway Teow:

Teow Chew Braised Duck:

Kway-Something-Something, it came with the Braised Duck:

Tofu, simple and honest :)

Foodcourt Rojak and dang it was good:

Durian, the KING of fruit.
Smells like a public toilet, tastes like heaven...
(to be honest, I loooooves the smell)

My birthday dinner of Steamboat with every luxurious seafood available:

(there's abalone in there)

The best fish head curry on banana leaf in Singapore:

The pippies (la la) I haven't had for years because it's not sold in Rondon:

The boat noodles I had by the side of the floating markets:

The riskiest thing I did in BKK...
Eat fly-infested noodles (before I found the more hygienic noodles above)
THE DAY BEFORE T&D's wedding:

Nom nom nom... The Cambodian grouper:

The mangosteens. HELL the fruit in general:


So yeah, I took more pix of food than anything else ;P
(THANK YOU LI,
ESPECIALLY FOR LETTING ME EAT DURIAN
IN YOUR APARTMENT
*grin* *MUAH* )

My new niece

Olivia Catherine Liew :) I'm joyous the day of. And I'm grieving the day of. Conflicting emotions and I can guarantee you that it's confusing the crap out of me.

I cried my heart out on the day I heard my new niece arrived *le sigh*

Still, I'd like you to see my new niece :)
(Tell me that's not a good enough reason to mate with a whitey ;) )

I woke up this morning

... to an email from my Mum:
Subject: Chubby-R.I.P.
"Hi Girlie,
We are so sorry have sad news for you. Actually I meant to tell you last night about him but forgot. Chubby has become worse past 2 days he can’t walk anymore. Dad said he didn’t sleep last night probably in pain dad has been giving him Osteo-Panadol. Anyway we took him to the Vet this morning and was advised to put him to sleep. They can’t do anything it is due to old age his heart is failing too. So they put him to sleep this morning we didn’t want to watch came home then went back to collect him and bury him in the backyard.
It has been raining all day the sky is crying too.
Dad pretty upset but he will get over it in time. I am too. Anyway I think it is better for him as he was suffering.
It is really sad after having him for nearly 15years but he has been treated well.
Love Mum"

It's silly to be soo upset. Chubby is just a dog. A plain old pug. He's a dog that's been part of my life for the past 14 years. He's the dog that was always happy to see me. He's the one that's always loved me unconditionally. He's the one that made me jealous because my parents hand-fed him! He was no longer "just a dog". He was part of my family. I love him because he never ever stopped loving me. Even when I was mad at him for pooping on my carpet :)

To be honest, I knew Chubby's time was up when I spoke to my parents a few weeks ago about him. It's just maddening that I never got to say Thank You and Goodbye. I still remember the day I picked him up, the car accident we had on the way home, and how he fit just perfectly on my lap.

Chubby always sat at my feet when I was at the pooter. He always snuck a stink bomb in and I would call him "STINKY!" and push him away :)

Love you Chubs. Always and Forever. I never doubted your beauty.

I am grieving.

The Apocalypse

(Otherwise known as "Winter in England")

Ruuuun for your liiiiives! Timestamp: 16:43

Every year, the Aussie-ex-pats bitch and moan about what is to come. The bitter cold. The grey. The rain. The instant dark by 4pm. The puffy jacket weather. The absolute *bone-chilling* bitter cold!

Everyone's talking about whether we're going to have a white Christmas this year. According to WikiAnswers:

"For a white Christmas to be official, a flake of snow must be observed to fall at the four specific sites between midnight on 24 December and midnight on 25 December, even if it is mixed with rain and is not necessarily snow lying on the ground.

Given this definition, England last enjoyed a white Christmas in 1999."

The first snowflakes fell in Rondon today. Messages flew across the network about it. The odds are currently at 3.25. Secretly inside, when it snows, we love it :)

Looking out a train window. Timestamp: 17:35

Weddings (part 2)

Tis no secret how T and I became buddies. We met in uni, T ambushed me in the Collanade one day, and an hour later we were plotting out how to tell our parents we were going to move out together *lol* The story of when I first met D is a little sweeter. T convinced him to pick me up from Heathrow and chauffeur us straight to Global Gathering 3 hours away! 18 hours of dancing later, at a pit stop on the way home, I still remember D having a quiet word with me when we were alone.

D: "Can you please tell T that you like me and think I'm a cool guy???"

*grin* Aww bless! Don't worry D, you had me sold when you picked me up from the airport ;) Over the years, I've gotten to know D like an older brother. I'm glad for the time I've had to "quality check" D when we were living together ;)

Like I told T on their Big Day, "I couldn't have lost my best friend to a better man".

Congratulations guys! *MUAH*

On a side note, if you're using eggs to play door games, ALWAYS DOUBLE-CHECK the eggs have been hardboiled before use ;P Things became a lot less funny when the grooms man had to pull down his suit pants in the middle of a crowded corridor and try to remove egg stains hours before the wedding ceremony.

I seriously wonder...

... how much time girls spend on doing their faces and hair. I was recently given a ghd by T&D (thank you!). So I'm practising being a girl *lol*

Hair with Posh Spice pout:

Hair with Kawaii "V" sign:

Straightening my hair wasn't the hard part, the ghd makes it sht easy. It was deciding which way to part my hair and then trying to keep annoying strands off my face which consumed me! As you can tell, I make a lousy girl :P It comes from growing up with two elder brothers and dressing in their hand-me-down "Life Be In It" tshirts and tennis shorts. How on earth do girls do this everyday?!?

Even worse, I can't believe I'm 31 (yes, 31) and only experimenting with hair now...Well, at least I guess nobody's going to wonder if I'm lesbian with this hairdo.

Weddings (part 1)

Behold! I think the bridesmaid curse is broken! I was bridesmaid twice in the space of a month, and nothing bad happened at the weddings :) Well, nothing I can remember anyways. Oh wait. I remember talking about sexually transmitted diseases at the reception dinner. That was some good red wine, Mrs P!!!

Mrs P, I realised how old and sentimental I was getting when your vows brought a tear to my eye. I've never been weepy at weddings before. Mr P, you passed all the door games with flying colours (ok, ok, I'll admit the last one was a trap). You're definitely a Renaissance Man worthy of Mrs P's love ;) I'll be checking up on your vow to keep taking Mrs P to Michelin starred restaurants and letting her choose your main course *grin*

Congratulations to you both,
I was honoured to be your bridesmaid for the day :)

I have a video of Mr P doing naughty things in a sexy orange-stuffed candy bra. Will sell to highest bidder ;)

Change

I still remember how excited I was moving into my first apartment in Rondon. I was so happy, that I jumped on my bed and broke the slat (which I duct taped back together the other day)! I still remember shopping for one small pot and one small bowl (just enough for Mee Goreng) with B :)

After 3 and a bit years, our crazy/psychotic/zen oriental landlord has sold the place. B and I handed in our notice, packed up, and days before leaving the country, we moved. For a minimalist, I had a lot of crap to pack up :P

Today, I left 3 sets of keys on the table, hugged the porter J goodbye, and walked away.

Strangely, I'm not sad about leaving the place. I always knew it wasn't permanent, and I never really made an effort to make it feel like my home. I'm more sad about leaving the area. The local pubs round the corner, the close proximity to the center of Rondon, Regents Park in my backyard, the weekend visits to Marylebone High Street, the evening drinks with friends who all lived around me... I think the best thing about living where I did, was that it was just so easy :)

Like B said, after 3+ years, it's an end of an era.
Hotel Beenikster is now closed.

*Shudder*

I left my account up on Speed Dater for a few days. Just out of curiousity. After 4 days, I've deleted it. I got the heebee-geebees. Here's why. On first inspection of my profile, I seem to be doing quite well:

6 votes, average of 4.8 out of 5 (someone obviously didn't want me to get a fathead ;) ). I've been "officially" rated as a "Honey". Lots of messages from other members. All looks good.

Like everything in life, everything *always* looks good on paper :P My ego was humbly deflated when I dug a little deeper. In reality, here are the people who rated me:

Call me superficial if you must. Just tell me if you were in my shoes, you'd find this a compliment :P

It's not just that, everytime I read the profile of someone who's messaged me, I'm sooo turned off. They can't spell, mainly because they can barely speak English. Some of them _are_ English! It's a joke when a guy claims to be "inteligent and hansome" :P Some of them seem so dodgy. Some of them think they're god's gift. Some of them are just very large and very old. I find the very large and very old factors disturbing. It seems lecherous for someone 50+ to like me. It makes me think that these are the ones who go to Asia and bring back wives. I have no evidence, it's just a very awkward gut feeling.

It's not that I don't date older men. Truth be told, I've dated someone approximately 11 years older than me. However, I met this guy IRL, we had an awesome time together, and we had a lot in common. We spent loads of time talking about everything and anything. This feels different. This feels like someone picking me as a mail order bride. I guess I look like a lot of fun in my profile pic, and as you can see, that's all that's on my profile. Nothing about what I'm like, or what I'm interested in. So what exactly does a 50-something year oldie, or even the fatty, think he has in common with a 30-something year old who looks like she goes clubbing a lot? It's just strange that I'm getting quite a bit of attention from the same demographic. Do I look like a "safe" bet?

When my gut tells me it's wrong, I listen. *DELETE ACCOUNT*...

Oh dear

Quality:

To be fair, the picture's already a bit weird because I've blotted out his eyes so that if you ever bump into him in the whole-wide-UK, you'd never be able to point at him and go, "OH YOU'RE THE ODD HIGH-TALKER AT SPEED DATING REENIE WAS TALKING ABOUT!"

The point is, and I really don't want to be mean, however, regardless of who you are, if you're trying to pick up, DO NOT post a profile pic with a double chin! :)) Not attractive! Does that really need to be explicit?!?

The other thing is, unless you're a hottie with a six-pack and oh, personality and a sense of adventure I guess, DO NOT use the line, "How would you like to see what's missing from your life?" on your profile! I'm sorry, but I don't need an extra chin.

He was truly the only guy in the group that I struggled to chat with.

I think I've found the perfect career for myself - Teaching guys how to look good and pick up. Not that I've ever tried, but I can't believe how clueless some guys are. It's not like I'm great at picking up, but there are some really *obvious* things guys should already know. Take me out on a date for two hours, and I'll point out every creepy/weird/annoying thing that you do. For no extra cost, you can also listen to me rant about what's right to do on a date ;)

Those who have so far ticked me down as a "date" match, are the Italian who couldn't speak English very well, the creepy guy who stroked my flower, and two very young guys. I don't think I'm ready to be a Cougar yet though, hahaha! :)

(Note to Mollow: I'm proud of you, I've been hearing very good reports back about your bill-calling *grin*)

3 mins

Huh.

The top 3 questions asked of me:
#1. "Where are you from?"
IF (guy.speaks(ENGLISH))
{reenie.println("G'day Mate");}
ELSE
{reenie.imitate(kangaroo);}
#2. "What do you do?"
IF (guy.senseofhumour())
{reenie.println("I sharpen pencils in a factory");}
ELSE
{reenie.println("I work in IT as a Business Analyst");
#3. "What do you think of tonight?"
reenie.println("It's been... interesting");

Huh.

I did meet a couple of fun guys, where 3 mins of my time just seemed to fly by :) I also met a few guys that were just a little socially awkward and were more effort. I met one who was just _odd_. Very very _odd_. He had a higher pitched voice than me, type of _odd_. One guy who was creepy. He was the only guy who reached out to start stroking my fake blooded flower. I immediately advised him to keep his hands to himself and not to try the same trick on the next ladies. He was also the only one who said I was "fit". Drunk perhaps? ;P

I feel sorry for blokes. It does seem like they have a harder time. I think a lot of it comes down to honing their conversational skills. When every single guy ahead of you asks the same 3 questions above, you have to think about what's going to distinguish you from the rest. Gawd, am I the only one who bothered to do my homework?

To make things more interesting, my Partner-in-Crime for this event and I gave each other five words to use in conversation. His choices for me were:
:: Bamboozle, Bugaboo, Shadoof, Discombobulated, Gubernatorial.

I think the only one I didn't use was, "Gubernatorial". Mainly because I had issues pronouncing it :P You can tell PiC is an American, can't you? ;)

My words for PiC were:
:: Syphilis, Foot-fungus, Chlamydia, Fart-tastic, Hoochie-momma.

To his credit, he used "Foot-fungus" on a Kiwi girl who was apparently a nasty piece of work *grin*

I also took this chance to perform a survey.
Me: "So, have you seen Total Recall? You have? Ok, would you date a chick with 3 b00bies?"

Guy 1: I didn't ask, because he didn't speak English very well. I feared the question would get lost in translation.
Guy 18: "NO." (Looks at me like I'm a freak and I can actually see the relief wash over him when the bell rings. English prude. I didn't ask anyone who didn't seem to have a funny bone after that.)
Guy 17: "YES." (Proceeds to stick two hands up and tongue out in such a way that I burst out laughing. You can always rely on Aussies to have a crude SOH :) )
Guy 12: "4 boob minimum!" (Italiano, of course ;) )
Guy 7: "Yes, but only to find out what it's like. But I wouldn't take her home to my mother." *lol*
Guy 3: "Sure, why not. I'll take 3 boobs. But 4 boobs max. I wouldn't do 5."

Results - 3 No'sus, 5 Yes'us, 1 Maybe :) There ya go.

So yeah. "Interesting" is the best adjective I can muster up for this experience. Would I pay to do it again? No, because it's bloody expensive at 23 squids a pop. Not to mention the bar charged me 5 squids for a BEER. Extortionate!!! Really. I can't say I'd recommend Speed Dater at all.

I guess, what I took away from tonight, is errr... more proof that I really _can_ talk sht to anyone these days. "So... If I were to give you a million pounds, but you had to sleep with someone infected with syphilis, would you do it?" :P

T -03:00:00

So, do you think I'm going to pick up at Speed Dating tonight? *lol*

Maybe I forgot to leave some nice clothes out before packing and moving all my sht to my new abode. Ah well... Might as well make the most out of my Halloween flower...

"What is a kernel?"

Me: "I can give you another name for it. It's a shell... It's that *thing* that... (*argh*)... connects directly to the processor..."

(>_<)

FAIL.

Where to look? (NSFW)

Warning: This post has an explicit picture at the bottom and probably shouldn't be viewed at work :P

A long time ago, I posted (beware, link has pic of large glass dild0 :P) about girl-friendly sex shops in Rondon. The ones on a proper high street, with warm bright lights inside. I also wrote about having to go shopping for Babsy's hens gifts last year.

Recently, I've had to do some _more_ shopping, this time for Ms K's door games and T's hens night. This time, I visited the seedier shops in Soho, Rondon's redlight district. I seriously think I've been to about 80% of the sex shops in Soho. The other 20% are probably hidden from view and I haven't found them yet. The most suprising shops I found were the ones which looked like a proper, normal, bookshop upstairs, but were actually fully stocked sex dens downstairs.

Shopping for a candy bra and stripper shoes might seem like easy tasks to complete, but you'd be surprised. It's quite unnerving actually. Everytime I stepped through the discrete doorway at the back of the shop, or down the stairwell to the basement, I was guaranteed two things:
:: I would be the only female there and all eyeballs would swivel uncomfortably in my direction;
:: I would be absolutely *surrounded* by wall-to-wall hardcore pr0n DVDs. Wooo, "Council Estate Skanks" looks good :P

It's very hard to act natural and nonchalant when all I see are men with pr0n DVDs in their hands. I'm not a pr0n connoisseur, but from what I've watched, these aren't Mills&Boons romance stories :P

The thing that strikes me as strange (besides the perfumed "Chinese doll" designed to smell like a real woman displayed above me), is finding someone who's of grandpa age browsing the DVDs. I would've thought guys grow out of pr0n. Eventually.

I felt lame asking for a candy bra when there were all these massive silicone pee pees right infront of me.

The sex shopping experience though, wasn't as bad as having to walk into a professional print shop (these guys did a great job) and ask the guys there to print out giant board posters of naked men for "Pin the Willy". Yes. I'm now the proud owner of two giant naked men. One who bares a resemblance to Borat. I use to be a proud owner of a giant pee pee too, but that went missing on the hens night.

MIA: Has anyone seen this hanging around Covent Garden?

Me: "Are you going to charge me for the p3nis?"
Printer: "No, you can have the p3nis for free."
Me: "Aww, that's so sweet! A free p3nis!" *grin*

The pervy things I do for my girlfriends.

PS: Want more reason for me *not* to use my lappy when inebriated? After 2 long island ice teas, copious amounts of red wine, then vodka, I took the above pic using Photo Booth, and proceeded to email it to a couple of my aunties with the subject, "c**k" (>_<) OOooh yeah, everything's a good idea when drunk...