Bloody recruitment agents

In my inbox today:
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Subject: Get In Touch
Dear Shireen,

I would be grateful if you could contact me to discuss your career aspirations in detail as I am working on a vacancy for a client that I feel would be of interest to you.

Please could you either contact me on the number below or alternatively, email me back suggesting a convenient time, date and number for me to call you.

I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Regards,

*Recruiter Name Here*
Consultant
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I hate recruiters. They always screw you over. ALWAYS. Tonight, I'm feeling brazen. I've had an umeshu, 330ml of quality beer, and a large shot of sake aged 10 years. Here is my response:
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Hi *Recruiter*,

Here's what I would like to know. When I was unemployed and looking for a job, you contacted me and told me something along the lines of, "I can definitely help you out, I'll call you back".

You never did.

So. Why should I give you my business?

Cheers,
Shireen
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Can you believe, this recruiter looked me up on LinkedIn and wanted to join my network? Yeah, like I'm that stupid to accept and let a recruiter view my contacts.