My taan-tat has gone up by 10p each :(
Doesn't Chinatown realise there's a recession going on?
Doesn't Chinatown realise there's a recession going on?
Friday, April 10, 2009
Passé
Adjective: No longer fashionable; out of date.
Bl00dy Mr 2p. I'll let you remain nameless this time, however only because you've provoked me into this. Yes. I do realise you're baiting me :P That's ok, I understand that you have too much testosterone to let a Millennium Girl have her say *grin*
Are guys with commitment problems passé?
There was a time when men had bigger salaries (back in the 70's), bigger bank balances (back in the 80's), bigger six packs (definitely only in the 90's) and more hair (I don't remember those days. Rogain anyone?).
Back then, I could probably understand the need for an alpha-male to be commitment phobic. You had more to lose by committing to a girl who had less money and hair :P
These days? What exactly does a Millennium Man have to bring to the table to be commitment phobic about these days? I wouldn't say my bank balance is bigger, but I wouldn't jump at a joint account with a guy either. Millennium Men have massive debts too :P Salarywise, the Squid Overlords pay me well enough. Six packs? I'm doing spin classes and running almost everyday. From my online dating experiences, I definitely have more hair ;)
Mr 2p's explanation of commitment problems never being passé is:
"Simple dissonance between societal expectations (till death do us part) and evolutionary drivers (perpetuate the genes)." Ergo, "female relativism will mean they'll never understand/accept it :)"
My answer to commitment being passé - well yeah, it is an extremely outdated relationship view. Not every girl wants marriage and babies. Not every girl believes there is a "till death do us part". If I had a chance to write my own vow, that wouldn't be it. People change. If couples don't change and grow together, then IMHO, the relationship is doomed regardless of encroaching death.
As for perpetuating genes, unless the sperm depositor speaks French, is a third generation skiier, at least 6 feet tall, with features of Adonis, then I'm not breeding *grin* I'm not getting fat for anything less ;)
My history with commitment phobic guys? _Well_...
The one question that made me click out of my last long-term relationship was, "Do you see a future with me?" It was about having a future together. When there was no answer, I asked myself, "WTF am I waiting around for?"
More recently, I was stupid enough to ask a guy, "Are we exclusive?" It wasn't my idea. "Exclusivity" was just the first question asked by my friends. I didn't know the answer, so I asked. The guy ran away pretty fast :P
To be honest, what I really wanted to know from that guy was, "Are you fcking around with other women?" That's what "exclusivity" meant to me. Never got a straight answer to that one either.
Realise that Commitment isn't a prison sentence when it's with the Right One. Realise that a Millenium Girl standing on her own two feet needs a Millennium Man as an equal in life rather than a mound of money, muscle and hair.
Bl00dy Mr 2p. I'll let you remain nameless this time, however only because you've provoked me into this. Yes. I do realise you're baiting me :P That's ok, I understand that you have too much testosterone to let a Millennium Girl have her say *grin*
Are guys with commitment problems passé?
There was a time when men had bigger salaries (back in the 70's), bigger bank balances (back in the 80's), bigger six packs (definitely only in the 90's) and more hair (I don't remember those days. Rogain anyone?).
Back then, I could probably understand the need for an alpha-male to be commitment phobic. You had more to lose by committing to a girl who had less money and hair :P
These days? What exactly does a Millennium Man have to bring to the table to be commitment phobic about these days? I wouldn't say my bank balance is bigger, but I wouldn't jump at a joint account with a guy either. Millennium Men have massive debts too :P Salarywise, the Squid Overlords pay me well enough. Six packs? I'm doing spin classes and running almost everyday. From my online dating experiences, I definitely have more hair ;)
Mr 2p's explanation of commitment problems never being passé is:
"Simple dissonance between societal expectations (till death do us part) and evolutionary drivers (perpetuate the genes)." Ergo, "female relativism will mean they'll never understand/accept it :)"
My answer to commitment being passé - well yeah, it is an extremely outdated relationship view. Not every girl wants marriage and babies. Not every girl believes there is a "till death do us part". If I had a chance to write my own vow, that wouldn't be it. People change. If couples don't change and grow together, then IMHO, the relationship is doomed regardless of encroaching death.
As for perpetuating genes, unless the sperm depositor speaks French, is a third generation skiier, at least 6 feet tall, with features of Adonis, then I'm not breeding *grin* I'm not getting fat for anything less ;)
My history with commitment phobic guys? _Well_...
The one question that made me click out of my last long-term relationship was, "Do you see a future with me?" It was about having a future together. When there was no answer, I asked myself, "WTF am I waiting around for?"
More recently, I was stupid enough to ask a guy, "Are we exclusive?" It wasn't my idea. "Exclusivity" was just the first question asked by my friends. I didn't know the answer, so I asked. The guy ran away pretty fast :P
To be honest, what I really wanted to know from that guy was, "Are you fcking around with other women?" That's what "exclusivity" meant to me. Never got a straight answer to that one either.
Realise that Commitment isn't a prison sentence when it's with the Right One. Realise that a Millenium Girl standing on her own two feet needs a Millennium Man as an equal in life rather than a mound of money, muscle and hair.
So tell me...
Me: "... what's heroin like?"
"It's like being wrapped in a really warm, comfortable blanket. It covers you and you feel safe. Nothing's going to hurt you."
Me: "But..." *I stared at my companion in disbelief* "I didn't think people got out of it once they've taken it."
"You either like it or you don't. I'm lucky because I didn't like it. Once the blanket comes off, you make a choice. You either throw off the blanket or you take it again to stay under. I didn't like it."
I ask a lot of questions. I'm lucky enough that people always answer. So I thought I'd share, because if I want to know, maybe you do too.
Personally, I don't think heroin is a gamble with life anyone should take. Don't believe me? Watch Trainspotting (Bestest of the Worstest Toilet Scenes ever!) or Requiem for a Dream.
"It's like being wrapped in a really warm, comfortable blanket. It covers you and you feel safe. Nothing's going to hurt you."
Me: "But..." *I stared at my companion in disbelief* "I didn't think people got out of it once they've taken it."
"You either like it or you don't. I'm lucky because I didn't like it. Once the blanket comes off, you make a choice. You either throw off the blanket or you take it again to stay under. I didn't like it."
I ask a lot of questions. I'm lucky enough that people always answer. So I thought I'd share, because if I want to know, maybe you do too.
Personally, I don't think heroin is a gamble with life anyone should take. Don't believe me? Watch Trainspotting (Bestest of the Worstest Toilet Scenes ever!) or Requiem for a Dream.
Thursday, April 09, 2009
Away from keyboard
I'm hesitant to tell people because their responses are soo negative and depressing. Yes, I understand their concern. There is a recession on atm, and it's not a good time to be out of a job, even if it's one I dislike. On the other hand, people tend to forget I'm not saddled with a mortgage or babies :P My biggest concern is to meet rent each month.
Only _two_ people I've spoken to about my situation have been truly supportive.
Daliborus said to me, "you only live once ... may as well do whatever you want ... (as long as you can afford it)".
Lizzie said to me, "You're doing the right thing for you".
Those words are priceless to me in the sea of negativity I've faced.
So, I took stock of what was in my bank account, and the fun times actually began awhile ago :)
:: I partied with B, Niffies and Armin @ Trance Energy.
:: I went on a spontaneous photography roadtrip to Reykjavik.
:: I snored next to Diskies at the Budapest Spring Festival *grin*
:: I just got back from a week of boozing with B, AdF and PdF in Chamonix.
:: I'm off to Cinque Terre with the girls this Easter weekend.
:: I'm cycling through Havana at the end of April.
:: I'm in the process of organising a learn-to-surf and yoga break in Algarve in May.
:: I'm ending the holidaying with a weekend in Ibiza for the Space Opening.
I guess the credit-crunching question is, "Would I have done things differently if the economy was better?"
To be honest, if the economy was better, I probably would've left my job at The Corporation and started this path about a month sooner. I'm so unsure about a lot in my life, but the one thing I can honestly say I'm passionate about - is travelling. I look back and since I was 22, I've always had a new destination to explore every year.
What happens after May? I don't know. However, the best lesson I've learnt in life about facing the unknown was when I was in the wilds of Borneo with Stuey.
Things always work out one way or another. Always.
My advice to those who say to me, "I want to quit my job BUT..." or, "I wish I could do what you're doing BUT..." is, well frankly, what are you waiting for? Don't be stupid about it, but let's start making plans for what you want. My regret this time round is that I'm admittedly bad at organising when it comes to my own life, and wasted a couple of weeks because poor planning :)
Monday, April 06, 2009
How do you know? (deel twee)
A much easier take is, how do you know when it's not right?
I have recently experienced being "The one before The One" *grin* You know, the girl who's the one before The One that the guy marries. How did I find out? On fb :)
I can honestly say, I'm happy for him. I knew what we had was just all fun and games. I knew we had nothing in common. I knew there was no future in it.
I've met His One. I've seen them together, and I can't begrudge what they have together. Something about them as a couple just makes complete sense. I'm happy for him because I know he's found what he was looking for :) I'd love to send him a congratulatory email, but his fiancee probably wouldn't like it :P
Then there's The Wrong Guy, who keeps in touch with me. For what reason, I have no idea. Well, actually, I do have _some_ idea. It's a good thing he lives in a different city. This is what I mean, it's getting much easier to know when you've met The Wrong One than The Right One.
The problem is, I think you'll never know if that guy is The Wrong One or The Right One if you never give it a chance. But... how many times do I have to put my <3 on the line?
I have recently experienced being "The one before The One" *grin* You know, the girl who's the one before The One that the guy marries. How did I find out? On fb :)
I can honestly say, I'm happy for him. I knew what we had was just all fun and games. I knew we had nothing in common. I knew there was no future in it.
I've met His One. I've seen them together, and I can't begrudge what they have together. Something about them as a couple just makes complete sense. I'm happy for him because I know he's found what he was looking for :) I'd love to send him a congratulatory email, but his fiancee probably wouldn't like it :P
Then there's The Wrong Guy, who keeps in touch with me. For what reason, I have no idea. Well, actually, I do have _some_ idea. It's a good thing he lives in a different city. This is what I mean, it's getting much easier to know when you've met The Wrong One than The Right One.
The problem is, I think you'll never know if that guy is The Wrong One or The Right One if you never give it a chance. But... how many times do I have to put my <3 on the line?
How do you know? (deel een)
I keep asking the same question, "How do you know?"
I keep getting the same answer, "From the moment I met her/him, I just knew."
Nobody I know has words for that moment :) I wish I knew.
So I was asked, "What's gone wrong for you?"
My answer, "They always start out nice, but they always end up as twats."
J: "What sort of twats?"
Me: "Arrogant twats. Selfish twats."
J: "Have you learnt from your mistakes?"
Me: "I've learnt to identify and cut my losses sooner." *grin*
What gives me hope is that I know what J's been through. He's much older, wiser in life experiences and much more battle-scarred. He's found true love :) The moment he clamped eyes on her, he knew.
No matter how old you get, or how much you convince yourself you're ok with being alone, you'll always look for love. It doesn't mean all is breeziness. It just means that when times are hard, you have that *someone* on the same wavelength who will stick by you. When times are good, those moments with that particular person are spectacular.
The other question I get asked is, "What do you look for in a guy?"
My answer is, "Wtf does everyone look for?!?"
It's the obvious innit? Someone who's kind, loving, makes me laugh and of course, good in bed (right, Le Baguette? *grin*)
My biggest thing - Open-mindedness. A willingness to accept and share rather than change. A willingness to try. A willingness to explore.
I guess, when you know, you know.
I keep getting the same answer, "From the moment I met her/him, I just knew."
Nobody I know has words for that moment :) I wish I knew.
So I was asked, "What's gone wrong for you?"
My answer, "They always start out nice, but they always end up as twats."
J: "What sort of twats?"
Me: "Arrogant twats. Selfish twats."
J: "Have you learnt from your mistakes?"
Me: "I've learnt to identify and cut my losses sooner." *grin*
What gives me hope is that I know what J's been through. He's much older, wiser in life experiences and much more battle-scarred. He's found true love :) The moment he clamped eyes on her, he knew.
No matter how old you get, or how much you convince yourself you're ok with being alone, you'll always look for love. It doesn't mean all is breeziness. It just means that when times are hard, you have that *someone* on the same wavelength who will stick by you. When times are good, those moments with that particular person are spectacular.
The other question I get asked is, "What do you look for in a guy?"
My answer is, "Wtf does everyone look for?!?"
It's the obvious innit? Someone who's kind, loving, makes me laugh and of course, good in bed (right, Le Baguette? *grin*)
My biggest thing - Open-mindedness. A willingness to accept and share rather than change. A willingness to try. A willingness to explore.
I guess, when you know, you know.
Saturday, April 04, 2009
Is there a problem?
2nd April, sometime during the night: I set my alarm for 6:40am the next day. I'm getting picked up from the Chamonix apartment around 7:10am. I sleep fitfully. I remember waking up and unplugging my iPhone from the charger, for no reason, at 00:59. I wake again around 3am. I wake again at 06:3-bl00dy-9 *sigh* I turn my alarm off before it begins its irritating Xylophone ring.
3rd April
10:30: Plane should've left Geneva by now. Find out my flight is delayed because of President Obama leaving from Stansted airport. It's the first time I boo Obama :P
14:00: Back in Rondon. I have to deal with retards who walk into my unwieldy snowboard bag as I make my way from Baker Street, home. Unbelievable. What sort of idiot walks right into a big black bag that's jutting out at least half a metre infront of me?!? Go ahead, hurt yourself, I don't care.
15:00: At a loss at what to do without B and the dFs to hang out with for the first time in a week :(
16:30: So I head to the gym :P
17:27: I ran 4km in 25mins. Yup, still sux0rz at running.
19:00: Meet AA for dinner at Waterloo. Have a chuckle over the week's gossip.
21:20: OMG... In the 2.9 years I've been in Rondon, I have _never_ visited Waxy O'Connor's on Rupert Street before! I went tonight for a farewell bash. It is a *broiling* hotbed of activity. Geezus! My hand flies up to my strapless top for security whilst I feel a gazillion eyes on me. Whilst my adorable potbelly grows, my b00bies seem to have shrunken enough to provide insufficient support to hold up my top properly. Fark! This place is huge, and packed. I make friends with the bouncer just to get directions. It takes me a good 20mins to find my friends. Just how broiling is this place? As I leave, my hair gets ruffled by a cute guy who looks 25 :D And I also get called, "DAARLING, HANG ON, DAAARLING!" by a 50-something year old :(
23:30 I'm home.
23:35 I realise Above & Beyond and Lange are playing at MoS. I've been meaning to check out Lange for ages.
00:20 I'm at the club. I get in after tight passport scrutiny by two burly bouncers. They're convinced I'm a pothead after noticing all my trips to Amsterdam.
Me: "There's good... coffee in Amsterdam!" *grin*
Bouncer: "Haha, yeah, the "beans" there smell really good hey?"
00:55 Tequila shots with bartender
01:00 Above & Beyond!!!
01:36 My ass is pinched by a freaking kid who tries the old "blame my friend" trick.
01:36:10 I move in to slap the kid's face and he dodges backwards.
01:36:15 I grab his balls and squeeze really hard, "Don't fcking pinch girls' asses". He squeals like a little girl :P
01:58 I lean against a wall and realise I'm surrounded by couples. Feel like I'm at a 6th grade disco :P
02:00 Some guy says something to me, I shakes my head. He bends down to put down his bottle at my feet, and I let out a timely discreet fart *grin*
02:38 Apple sour shots with the bartender.
04:00 Above & Beyond finish a decent set. Lange starts. Lange is better on guestmixes than live. He's bassy and hard, but just doesn't quite get there...
04:30 I leave the club.
05:00 I'm home and eating instant noodles.
06:16 I'm blogging.
What sleeping problem?!? :P
3rd April
10:30: Plane should've left Geneva by now. Find out my flight is delayed because of President Obama leaving from Stansted airport. It's the first time I boo Obama :P
14:00: Back in Rondon. I have to deal with retards who walk into my unwieldy snowboard bag as I make my way from Baker Street, home. Unbelievable. What sort of idiot walks right into a big black bag that's jutting out at least half a metre infront of me?!? Go ahead, hurt yourself, I don't care.
15:00: At a loss at what to do without B and the dFs to hang out with for the first time in a week :(
16:30: So I head to the gym :P
17:27: I ran 4km in 25mins. Yup, still sux0rz at running.
19:00: Meet AA for dinner at Waterloo. Have a chuckle over the week's gossip.
21:20: OMG... In the 2.9 years I've been in Rondon, I have _never_ visited Waxy O'Connor's on Rupert Street before! I went tonight for a farewell bash. It is a *broiling* hotbed of activity. Geezus! My hand flies up to my strapless top for security whilst I feel a gazillion eyes on me. Whilst my adorable potbelly grows, my b00bies seem to have shrunken enough to provide insufficient support to hold up my top properly. Fark! This place is huge, and packed. I make friends with the bouncer just to get directions. It takes me a good 20mins to find my friends. Just how broiling is this place? As I leave, my hair gets ruffled by a cute guy who looks 25 :D And I also get called, "DAARLING, HANG ON, DAAARLING!" by a 50-something year old :(
23:30 I'm home.
23:35 I realise Above & Beyond and Lange are playing at MoS. I've been meaning to check out Lange for ages.
00:20 I'm at the club. I get in after tight passport scrutiny by two burly bouncers. They're convinced I'm a pothead after noticing all my trips to Amsterdam.
Me: "There's good... coffee in Amsterdam!" *grin*
Bouncer: "Haha, yeah, the "beans" there smell really good hey?"
00:55 Tequila shots with bartender
01:00 Above & Beyond!!!
01:36 My ass is pinched by a freaking kid who tries the old "blame my friend" trick.
01:36:10 I move in to slap the kid's face and he dodges backwards.
01:36:15 I grab his balls and squeeze really hard, "Don't fcking pinch girls' asses". He squeals like a little girl :P
01:58 I lean against a wall and realise I'm surrounded by couples. Feel like I'm at a 6th grade disco :P
02:00 Some guy says something to me, I shakes my head. He bends down to put down his bottle at my feet, and I let out a timely discreet fart *grin*
02:38 Apple sour shots with the bartender.
04:00 Above & Beyond finish a decent set. Lange starts. Lange is better on guestmixes than live. He's bassy and hard, but just doesn't quite get there...
04:30 I leave the club.
05:00 I'm home and eating instant noodles.
06:16 I'm blogging.
What sleeping problem?!? :P
Friday, March 27, 2009
Pun intended
Hey CH, this one's for you *grin*:
A couple of clams were eating chocolate bars while two fish watched.
"Did you see that?" one fish said, as the clams finished their treat.
"They didn't offer us a single bite!"
"What do you expect?" asked the other fish, "They're two shellfish".
CH's seafood sculpture -
A whelk eating a clam, eating a prawn:
Wow... cocktails, a flaming shot, half bottle of wine, loads of sweet sweet seafood, chocolate tart and dessert wine? How long am I going to have to run to burn off all those calories? *grin* I've also noticed that I will say anything and talk to anyone when drunk.
Me: "I'm doing a survey, if a guy's got the greatest personality in the world, but is really bad in bed, would you still marry him?"
Random Girl sitting next to me: "Of course not. If I wanted great personality, I'd talk to my friends".
Me: *waits for CH to go to the bathroom* "Do you think he's cuuuute?"
I was hoping one of the girls would hit on CH. It backfired, they thought I was his date :P
HOT&BUFF waiter: "I'm going home to my bf and his big c0ck! Did you want to know that?"
Me: *drunken whisper* "Does it... hurt?!?"
HOT&BUFF waiter: "Haha, not if you use lots of gel!!"
I look at a picture of HOT&BUFF waiter's French bf. OMG, he's HOT too... Talk about a fantasy sandwich... *sigh* I hug and kiss the off-duty waiter and run back inside. It's ok, he was pretty drunk too *grin*
I love this place :) Ooh, I guess the company was alright too ;)
A couple of clams were eating chocolate bars while two fish watched.
"Did you see that?" one fish said, as the clams finished their treat.
"They didn't offer us a single bite!"
"What do you expect?" asked the other fish, "They're two shellfish".
Har har har :)
CH's seafood sculpture -
A whelk eating a clam, eating a prawn:
Wow... cocktails, a flaming shot, half bottle of wine, loads of sweet sweet seafood, chocolate tart and dessert wine? How long am I going to have to run to burn off all those calories? *grin* I've also noticed that I will say anything and talk to anyone when drunk.
Me: "I'm doing a survey, if a guy's got the greatest personality in the world, but is really bad in bed, would you still marry him?"
Random Girl sitting next to me: "Of course not. If I wanted great personality, I'd talk to my friends".
Me: *waits for CH to go to the bathroom* "Do you think he's cuuuute?"
I was hoping one of the girls would hit on CH. It backfired, they thought I was his date :P
HOT&BUFF waiter: "I'm going home to my bf and his big c0ck! Did you want to know that?"
Me: *drunken whisper* "Does it... hurt?!?"
HOT&BUFF waiter: "Haha, not if you use lots of gel!!"
I look at a picture of HOT&BUFF waiter's French bf. OMG, he's HOT too... Talk about a fantasy sandwich... *sigh* I hug and kiss the off-duty waiter and run back inside. It's ok, he was pretty drunk too *grin*
I love this place :) Ooh, I guess the company was alright too ;)
Em.bar.rass.ment
Noun: A feeling of self-consciousness, shame or awkwardness.
Lately, I've been thinking of my past. It could be my poor memory, or even my Homer Simpson moment of drunken reality kicking in, but my past is surprisingly unembarrassing. I tried to explain it today, to someone who's only known me for a short time.
Within the close circle of friends I have, we've shared a lot of intensely personal stories. I actually wonder what my closest friends would say if anyone outside the circle asked for embarrassing stories about me.
Hrm... Would you bring up the "Moon" incident on my 20-something-th birthday? How about my penchant for kissing girls after a drink (I still maintain there was no tongue, Ula!)?
I've figured it out, it's not embarrassing when:
:: I have an open honesty policy (you just have to ask the right questions :P ); and
:: I'm lucky enough to have friends who try to outdo each other in the attention grabbing stakes *grin* I think back to all the piss-taking uni presentations we gave infront of each other, and all the effort we put in for each others' 21st birthday parties. There were topless guys in boxers jumping out of boxes infront of my parents for my 21st! Mmm, male exhibitionists friends... 9 years on, and I still remember that moment ;)
There's also The Vault. The friends whom I've shared those intensely personal stories with, know how to keep it in The Vault.
Seinfeld: "I'm not saying anything, I'm putting it in the vault, I'm locking the vault. It's a vault!"
It's nice to know that my friends know how to keep The Vault shut :) Even if you haven't, the world hasn't stopped spinning for me.
Lately, I've been thinking of my past. It could be my poor memory, or even my Homer Simpson moment of drunken reality kicking in, but my past is surprisingly unembarrassing. I tried to explain it today, to someone who's only known me for a short time.
Within the close circle of friends I have, we've shared a lot of intensely personal stories. I actually wonder what my closest friends would say if anyone outside the circle asked for embarrassing stories about me.
Hrm... Would you bring up the "Moon" incident on my 20-something-th birthday? How about my penchant for kissing girls after a drink (I still maintain there was no tongue, Ula!)?
I've figured it out, it's not embarrassing when:
:: I have an open honesty policy (you just have to ask the right questions :P ); and
:: I'm lucky enough to have friends who try to outdo each other in the attention grabbing stakes *grin* I think back to all the piss-taking uni presentations we gave infront of each other, and all the effort we put in for each others' 21st birthday parties. There were topless guys in boxers jumping out of boxes infront of my parents for my 21st! Mmm, male exhibitionists friends... 9 years on, and I still remember that moment ;)
There's also The Vault. The friends whom I've shared those intensely personal stories with, know how to keep it in The Vault.
Seinfeld: "I'm not saying anything, I'm putting it in the vault, I'm locking the vault. It's a vault!"
It's nice to know that my friends know how to keep The Vault shut :) Even if you haven't, the world hasn't stopped spinning for me.
Time me
Babsy: "Who wants to do this with me? its only 5km which should take about 30minutes!"
So I try running 5km at the gym. Here's my progress:
12 March 33:46
19 March 32:25
24 March 32:03
26 March 31:48
I run and I run and I run...
I hate running. I envy the dF's for their long legs. They could model lingerie for a living. You too, JH! My short stumpy lil pork-hams-for-legs just can't pump fast enough on the treadmill.
30 mins? My big fatass! :) In fact, at the rate I run, it is simply mathematically impossibubble for me to run 5km in 30mins:
9.5km/hour = 0.15833km/min
30mins = 4.7499km!
*puff* *puff* *pant* *pant*... At the 28-29min mark, I up it to 10.5 and sprint. It doesn't help :P
I think my alternate me in a parallel universe (who's also a lingerie model *grin*) has better chances at this game :)
So I try running 5km at the gym. Here's my progress:
12 March 33:46
19 March 32:25
24 March 32:03
26 March 31:48
I run and I run and I run...
I hate running. I envy the dF's for their long legs. They could model lingerie for a living. You too, JH! My short stumpy lil pork-hams-for-legs just can't pump fast enough on the treadmill.
30 mins? My big fatass! :) In fact, at the rate I run, it is simply mathematically impossibubble for me to run 5km in 30mins:
9.5km/hour = 0.15833km/min
30mins = 4.7499km!
*puff* *puff* *pant* *pant*... At the 28-29min mark, I up it to 10.5 and sprint. It doesn't help :P
I think my alternate me in a parallel universe (who's also a lingerie model *grin*) has better chances at this game :)
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Hot water
Sitting in 38 degree Hungarian waters, I pondered about love at first sight.
And I soon realise the chances of me experiencing that most romantic notion of falling madly in love with my soulmate through a single, lustful, cosmically-aligned glance, is decreasing exponentially with my age.
I stared out at the thermal sea of large middle-aged hairy bellies overspilling in their playful banana hammocks. Love at first sight? Really? It occurs to me, "This must be why love is blind" :P
Love at first sight... It must only be for the young and good looking!
Personally, I can't wait till love gets to the senile stage and my pillow drooling would be considered cute *grin*
And I soon realise the chances of me experiencing that most romantic notion of falling madly in love with my soulmate through a single, lustful, cosmically-aligned glance, is decreasing exponentially with my age.
I stared out at the thermal sea of large middle-aged hairy bellies overspilling in their playful banana hammocks. Love at first sight? Really? It occurs to me, "This must be why love is blind" :P
Love at first sight... It must only be for the young and good looking!
Personally, I can't wait till love gets to the senile stage and my pillow drooling would be considered cute *grin*
It's been awhile
I still haven't figured out how to stop *grin*
(Meanwhile, if you look closely at the blader behind me, she's going sideways!)
(Meanwhile, if you look closely at the blader behind me, she's going sideways!)
I really hope this weather sticks around...
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Friday, March 20, 2009
View from a different window
I've been procrastinating about Iceland, just because I don't know which photos to post up. It's soo hard to choose. I'm just glad I went when it was still cold enough for snow. I don't think the landscape would've been as stunning without it :) The whole time it felt like a photography field trip, with stops in our lil Toyota Yaris (nicknamed Hooter), along the roadside just to capture what would've been the most mundane field anywhere else in the world, looking beautiful in Iceland.
So here's a mix of views from me and my travelling companion. Got to say, it's bl00dy hard competing with someone who has a wide-angle lens SLR...
My first memorable photo stop, was when we noticed snow drifting across the roads and flat plains. It seriously reminded me of nitrogen pouring from a flask in a highschool science experiment:
Gullfoss was amazing. I hadn't expected this at all. Almost worth being swept off the ice by the freaking freezing wind to see this force of nature:
Furry icelandic pony:
My most creative shot :)
His view of the road:
My view of the road:
Ze Blue Lagoon!
So here's a mix of views from me and my travelling companion. Got to say, it's bl00dy hard competing with someone who has a wide-angle lens SLR...
My first memorable photo stop, was when we noticed snow drifting across the roads and flat plains. It seriously reminded me of nitrogen pouring from a flask in a highschool science experiment:
You think being navigator is easy? Not with roadsigns like these:
Grass never looked prettier than this before :)
If you look closely, I'm trying to do the "Old Shadow Nose Picking Trick" *grin*:
Gullfoss was amazing. I hadn't expected this at all. Almost worth being swept off the ice by the freaking freezing wind to see this force of nature:
Furry icelandic pony:
My most creative shot :)
His view of the road:
My view of the road:
Ze Blue Lagoon!
And remember, you can DRINK BEER while doggy-paddling in the Blue Lagoon. It makes the whole experience a lot more fun :P Nobody told me that!
All my Iceland pix are up on flickr.
All my Iceland pix are up on flickr.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Dance dance dance
A couple of months ago, I received an email from my brother along the lines of, "Hey... I was back in Sydnery for New Year's, and watching a trance video clip (Armin, I think?) at a friend's place. Your face suddenly popped up onto the 1m widescreen TV!"
After that, I couldn't resist getting a copy of the Armin Only DVD *lol* So here I am in one of my fleeting dance moments captured on DVD :)
:: Dance Valley (the start of it all in 2004);
:: Global Gathering (my first UK festival, literally hours after I landed in Heathrow);
:: Valkana Beach (where there was no beach but instead a mountain racetrack in a little village! If you want to know more, I can forward you the email I wrote up at the time);
:: *deep voice* SEN-SA-TION WHITE (back in the Ula&Wilco days :) );
:: Various Armin Only events;
:: PvD & Groove Armada @ Amsterdam Dance Event;
:: O2 Wireless @ Hyde Park
:: Space Opening @ Ibiza
:: SW4 @ Clapham
:: Nature One (Mine and B's first camping festival!)
The last and most recent on my list, Trance Energy just a couple of weeks ago :) That's when it occurred to me, "HEY! This is it! I've done all the events that I've wanted to do!" *grin*
On the 11th July this year, it comes full-circle as I head back to 15 years of Dance Valley with B. Join us! Join us! This is the festival that started me on the path of global DJ hunting :)
After that, I couldn't resist getting a copy of the Armin Only DVD *lol* So here I am in one of my fleeting dance moments captured on DVD :)
(Good thing my underarms were shaven)
It's funny, but I never thought that I'd reach the end of my must-do event list in Europe after only 5 years. Here's the list::: Dance Valley (the start of it all in 2004);
:: Global Gathering (my first UK festival, literally hours after I landed in Heathrow);
:: Valkana Beach (where there was no beach but instead a mountain racetrack in a little village! If you want to know more, I can forward you the email I wrote up at the time);
:: *deep voice* SEN-SA-TION WHITE (back in the Ula&Wilco days :) );
:: Various Armin Only events;
:: PvD & Groove Armada @ Amsterdam Dance Event;
:: O2 Wireless @ Hyde Park
:: Space Opening @ Ibiza
:: SW4 @ Clapham
:: Nature One (Mine and B's first camping festival!)
The last and most recent on my list, Trance Energy just a couple of weeks ago :) That's when it occurred to me, "HEY! This is it! I've done all the events that I've wanted to do!" *grin*
Armin (who else?) @ Trance Energy:
Monday, March 16, 2009
What's that saying?
I never thought I'd have this problem, "What to wear to Michelin star restaurants?" :P Ok, I know it sounds really arrogant, however hear me out.
Having been to Tetsuya's, Becasse, Yoshii, *insert top Sydnery restaurant here*, I never questioned myself on what I had to wear for the occasion. My theory was always, I have the cash to splash and it shouldn't matter what I wore. My money is good regardless of my outfit. Here in Rondontown, it's a different story. What you wear has to match the quality of your food and expected service. Michelin stars mean snotty looks if you're not dressed up for the occasion.
I get stressed out about what to wear. Majorly. Because European bodies are a lot longer and more well endowed than what I've been blessed with, dresses just don't fit me properly here. I hate to admit it, but I have purchased one Ted Baker top for special Michelin star dining experiences. Ie: I've only worn this top to Michelin restaurants. It fits and it's frilly. Me, in frills *cringe*
This week, I am going to 3 Michelin starred restaurants. All up, 4 stars in total. Today, under pressure to find a dress at the 23rd hour, I've ended up with one that's bright yellow.
It either makes me look like a cute young canary...
The longer I stared into the mirror before dinner tonight, the more I was convinced it was Big Bird's lucky day.
Bright yellow? What was I thinking? Not only that, but I'm also at that awkward inbetween size. So I had to choose between:
:: Size 8 - Bit squeezy on the side, there's some armpit vag action.
:: Size 10 - Not enough b00bies. If I lift my fork and spoon, the dress falls down.
*sigh* Wtf, can't they have a size 9? :P
Armpit vag it is.
What was I thinking? I think I bought this dress more to spite the girlies who have been clamouring for my cleavage over dinner. I think I've outdone myself and managed to spite me as well *lol* Hrm, at least the dress has pockets (and err, a big bow on the side).
"You can take the girl out of Blacktown, but you can't take the Blacktown out of the girl". Or something like that ;)
Update: Miss K has assured me the dress looks decent. After a bellini. And 3 glasses of wine. Highly dubious review *grin*
Having been to Tetsuya's, Becasse, Yoshii, *insert top Sydnery restaurant here*, I never questioned myself on what I had to wear for the occasion. My theory was always, I have the cash to splash and it shouldn't matter what I wore. My money is good regardless of my outfit. Here in Rondontown, it's a different story. What you wear has to match the quality of your food and expected service. Michelin stars mean snotty looks if you're not dressed up for the occasion.
I get stressed out about what to wear. Majorly. Because European bodies are a lot longer and more well endowed than what I've been blessed with, dresses just don't fit me properly here. I hate to admit it, but I have purchased one Ted Baker top for special Michelin star dining experiences. Ie: I've only worn this top to Michelin restaurants. It fits and it's frilly. Me, in frills *cringe*
This week, I am going to 3 Michelin starred restaurants. All up, 4 stars in total. Today, under pressure to find a dress at the 23rd hour, I've ended up with one that's bright yellow.
It either makes me look like a cute young canary...
...Or Big Bird's hideous date:
Bright yellow? What was I thinking? Not only that, but I'm also at that awkward inbetween size. So I had to choose between:
:: Size 8 - Bit squeezy on the side, there's some armpit vag action.
:: Size 10 - Not enough b00bies. If I lift my fork and spoon, the dress falls down.
*sigh* Wtf, can't they have a size 9? :P
Armpit vag it is.
What was I thinking? I think I bought this dress more to spite the girlies who have been clamouring for my cleavage over dinner. I think I've outdone myself and managed to spite me as well *lol* Hrm, at least the dress has pockets (and err, a big bow on the side).
"You can take the girl out of Blacktown, but you can't take the Blacktown out of the girl". Or something like that ;)
Update: Miss K has assured me the dress looks decent. After a bellini. And 3 glasses of wine. Highly dubious review *grin*
Saturday, March 14, 2009
The saddest thing
The stylish shop assistant hands me a dress to meet my non-specific requirements, "I just want a dress that's nice to go out in".
It's black.
It's sleek.
It's sexy.
It's on SALE. Down from a couple of hundred squids to only 45!
I heave a *sigh*, take it off and leave it on the "thanks but, no thanks" rack. It's not that I don't love it, or that I don't look great in it.
It's because I don't have a date to look hot in a black, sleek, sexy dress _for_! *lol*
Don't get me wrong, I have places to go next week where the dress would fit right in. Only I think my girly dinner companions would choke on their foie gras at the sight of the plunging neckline ;)
It's black.
It's sleek.
It's sexy.
It's on SALE. Down from a couple of hundred squids to only 45!
I heave a *sigh*, take it off and leave it on the "thanks but, no thanks" rack. It's not that I don't love it, or that I don't look great in it.
It's because I don't have a date to look hot in a black, sleek, sexy dress _for_! *lol*
Don't get me wrong, I have places to go next week where the dress would fit right in. Only I think my girly dinner companions would choke on their foie gras at the sight of the plunging neckline ;)
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
The bad touch
Maybe it's just me and my bad travel luck (on the way to Reykjavik I actually had to say the words, "Can you please move, your ass is in my face"), but everytime I've been on a flight with touchscreens installed, I get some techtard sitting behind me who misunderstands the simple concept of touch, and punches the crap out of their display. It's like taking constant pelts to the back of the head *aaargh*
You know, I love technology, I just hate the inevitable techtards. Touchscreens on planes - a *really bad* idea.
Friday, March 06, 2009
Dictionary definitions
It's been awhile since I've talked about bush.
Fair warning: I'm going to be talking about mine. So if you know me, and you don't want to picture my nether regions, don't read on *grin*
Compelling, isn't it? ;)
I'm going to Reykjavik this weekend (for 239 squiddies, it's a bargain!). The land of hot springs and spa. I did the swimsuit test. Yup, it's time to visit the pruner :P
So, first word for today: Neglect
Neglect is when you turn up to the beautician, and she (never met a he bikini waxer) looks and says, "OOOH, it's been awhile".
Yar. Can you blaim me? This city has no sun. There is no need for maintenance :P
Second word for today: Inappropriateness
Inappropriateness is laughing out soo loud, the whole salon hears you, when the beautician says to me, "I need you to turn over and do this" *insert goatse action*
Beautician: "SHHHHHHH..."
Me: "Come on, I don't need to!"
Beautician: "It's part of the package. Turn over!"
Beautician: *after careful examination* "You're lucky, European girls, VERY HAIRY."
Thank gawd for oriental genes :P
To be honest, I thought hard about posting this post. I wouldn't have posted this post if, on the way home, I didn't see this on the bus:
Fair warning: I'm going to be talking about mine. So if you know me, and you don't want to picture my nether regions, don't read on *grin*
Compelling, isn't it? ;)
I'm going to Reykjavik this weekend (for 239 squiddies, it's a bargain!). The land of hot springs and spa. I did the swimsuit test. Yup, it's time to visit the pruner :P
So, first word for today: Neglect
Neglect is when you turn up to the beautician, and she (never met a he bikini waxer) looks and says, "OOOH, it's been awhile".
Yar. Can you blaim me? This city has no sun. There is no need for maintenance :P
Second word for today: Inappropriateness
Inappropriateness is laughing out soo loud, the whole salon hears you, when the beautician says to me, "I need you to turn over and do this" *insert goatse action*
Beautician: "SHHHHHHH..."
Me: "Come on, I don't need to!"
Beautician: "It's part of the package. Turn over!"
Beautician: *after careful examination* "You're lucky, European girls, VERY HAIRY."
Thank gawd for oriental genes :P
To be honest, I thought hard about posting this post. I wouldn't have posted this post if, on the way home, I didn't see this on the bus:
Thursday, March 05, 2009
Re-inspired
*Perfect* solution for the receding hairline issue:
So I was up till 4am this morning...
This didn't help my insomnia.
Don't look too closely, you'll see all the smudges :P Doing this made me realise how shaky my hands are and how bad my eyesight is. New respect for artists and toy designers.
I call him El Rosa Granada! He's meant to be red, but the ink's turned out very pink.
I call him El Rosa Granada! He's meant to be red, but the ink's turned out very pink.
I'm not an artist
It started out easy enough. I had an idea. I was going to base the design on Melody, one of my fave characters from childhood:
However, whilst I was trying to paint in the nose, I made a giant gold splotch right where the tiny petite nose should've been. Aaah shit...
Unfortunately, I've also managed to smudge gold ink right in the middle of its face. Lucky I have a white ink marker as well :P I also didn't realise I had such butterfingers. I kept dropping its head everywhere and smudging all over the place. Never give me white products.
With the shiny purple arms and pink hair, its looking a bit... odd. Not so much like Melody anymore :P Wondering if I should give it shiny purple undies as well. I don't have many other colours to play with. Just black and silver.
My other problem? Deciding how to finish off the hair without making it look like its got a receding hairline :P
However, whilst I was trying to paint in the nose, I made a giant gold splotch right where the tiny petite nose should've been. Aaah shit...
So I decided to give it a gold face mask :P
Unfortunately, I've also managed to smudge gold ink right in the middle of its face. Lucky I have a white ink marker as well :P I also didn't realise I had such butterfingers. I kept dropping its head everywhere and smudging all over the place. Never give me white products.
With the shiny purple arms and pink hair, its looking a bit... odd. Not so much like Melody anymore :P Wondering if I should give it shiny purple undies as well. I don't have many other colours to play with. Just black and silver.
My other problem? Deciding how to finish off the hair without making it look like its got a receding hairline :P
6 degrees
As in, that's what the max temp in Rondon was today (my iPhone told me so ;) ). It was cold enough for me to berate myself for leaving the puffy jacket behind and heading out in only a hoody. Sun might be out, but it definitely isn't warm. So the recession's got to be pretty bad if skanks are selling themselves for a squid in this weather:
(That's "Kisses for a quid" on the bucket)
Zoo is a lads mag. Kinda like FHM in Oz. Only more blatant. The opposition (or Ralph equivalent), is a mag called Nuts. I kid you not. I'm not going to link to them.
I was going to write up a bit on skank culture here, but... I'm too lazy and it just gets infuriating thinking about how women here can be so... uneducated! Girls who go topless in magazines and newspapers here are called "glamour" models. Worst use of the word "glamour" ever... Thank you Jordan for setting such a fine example on how to make money out of giant breasts :P
I was going to write up a bit on skank culture here, but... I'm too lazy and it just gets infuriating thinking about how women here can be so... uneducated! Girls who go topless in magazines and newspapers here are called "glamour" models. Worst use of the word "glamour" ever... Thank you Jordan for setting such a fine example on how to make money out of giant breasts :P
Wednesday, March 04, 2009
Sad day :(
What can I say? It sux0rz to lose a play buddy who's always up for anything :(
No more random kisses :(
Thanks for the memories M-San...
Can't wait to hear about your first day back at work *evil grin*
Can't wait to hear about your first day back at work *evil grin*
Sunday, March 01, 2009
In sequence
There are times, when I sit and watch.
I think I understand Sliding Doors now :) If I had to correlate my life to a tube ride, I'd ask myself, "Where do I get off?"
PS: This post is for Daliborus who needs something to read @ work ;)
I get SPAM
=======
Just when you have lost faith in human kindness.
Someone who teaches at an Elementary in Thorsby forwarded the following letter. The letter was sent to the principal's office after the school had sponsored a luncheon for the elderly. An elderly lady received a new radio at the lunch as a prize and was writing to say thank you. This story is a credit to all humankind. Forward to anyone you know who might need a lift today.
Dear Thorsby School:
God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent senior citizens luncheon. I am 84 years old and live at the Sunnybrook Assisted Home for the Aged. My family have all passed away and I am alone so thank you for your kindness to a forgotten old lady. My roommate is 95 and has always had her own radio, but she would never let me listen to hers, even when she was napping. The other day her radio fell off the nightstand and broke into a lot of pieces. It was awful and she was in tears. She asked if she could listen to mine but I told her to fuck off.
Thank you for that opportunity.
Sincerely,
Edna.
=====
Dearest Family,
To be honest, I'm sick of the "human kindness" emails that go out. Because you know what? Most of the time, they're full of shit. If you don't believe me, here's the proof:
http://www.snopes.com/humor/letters/newradio.asp
No offence, but not all things you read on the internet are true.
Most of the time, they're to make you feel better. F*ck that shit (sorry Ma&Pa). Ask yourself, why do you need that?
To be honest, I've never lost faith in human kindness.
So here's my story. You can bet it's true. When I first landed in London, I had little money, no job, lots of debt and a couch in a squishy one bedroom apartment to live in with a couple. Part of that couple was a close mate. After 6 weeks, the close mate said to me, "When are you moving out?"
I started asking around. I asked another close friend. I use to get calls from this friend when I was living in Sydnery. In the middle of a work day, she'd be sobbing about some drama. I'd walk outside my office, and I'd take the call. This girl, has a 2 bedroom apartment in London. A spare room. This girl was also having an affair with her company's client. I have _always_ *been there* for her. When I asked her if I could stay over for a short period of time, she said something along the lines of, "I'm sorry, but my partner wouldn't be comfortable with that".
Inside, I was thinking, "You'd rather see me homeless than upset someone who has 3 kids, not by you, and still married".
That's when I ended the friendship.
If anything, that should've made me bitter about humankind.
Another friend, who had little, lived in an ex-council flat, in the dodgy side of London, immediately said something along the lines to me of, "Come stay with me. For as long as you want."
Why lose faith in human kindness when I'm friends with such a beautiful person?
Monday, February 16, 2009
Drunken rant
*Cringe*
So I wrote the last post after coming home from a night out. Could you tell? :P I think I'm improving on my stats though.
:: Number of drunken emails drafted up - 2
:: Number of drunken emails discarded - 2
:: Number of drunken texts sent out - 0
:: Number of drunken Photo Booth pix taken - 0
:: Number of drunken online purchases - 0
:: Number of drunken blog posts - 1
*Phew* It really could've been worse :P
So I wrote the last post after coming home from a night out. Could you tell? :P I think I'm improving on my stats though.
:: Number of drunken emails drafted up - 2
:: Number of drunken emails discarded - 2
:: Number of drunken texts sent out - 0
:: Number of drunken Photo Booth pix taken - 0
:: Number of drunken online purchases - 0
:: Number of drunken blog posts - 1
*Phew* It really could've been worse :P
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Breakfast @ Tiffany's
As long as I can remember, Breakfast at Tiffany's is always shown on Valentine's Day. Hence I assumed it had to be the greatest romance story of the century. So this evening, 2 hours before heading out to Old Street for a prance, I watched it.
Great title. Sh*t movie :P
Truth be told, Audrey Hepburn is beautiful in it, as a gold-digger who keeps losing out on the gold. George Peppard is also beautiful, as a male gigolo who falls in love with her. I guess the moral of the story is, love conquers all when a gold-digger chooses a poor gigolo over money?!?
Fck that shit. Fck Valentine. Fck Hollywood for making me think I've been missing out on something all these years. Fck Neil Perry for serving me JOOK with KIMCHII at a AUD$300 Valentine's Day dinner a few years ago.
Tiffany's - "The quietness and the proud look of it, nothing bad could happen to me there... Didn't I tell you this was a lovely place?"
It's not that I don't believe in romance. Or meeting the right person. It's when I'm being force-fed shit that love is about Hollywood dreams coming true that I get pissed off.
You want true love? Watch Baz Lurhmann's Romeo+Juliet.
Surviving Valentine's Day. Would you pay 100 squids for a bunch of roses? Tell me how this has anything to do with love.
Great title. Sh*t movie :P
Truth be told, Audrey Hepburn is beautiful in it, as a gold-digger who keeps losing out on the gold. George Peppard is also beautiful, as a male gigolo who falls in love with her. I guess the moral of the story is, love conquers all when a gold-digger chooses a poor gigolo over money?!?
Fck that shit. Fck Valentine. Fck Hollywood for making me think I've been missing out on something all these years. Fck Neil Perry for serving me JOOK with KIMCHII at a AUD$300 Valentine's Day dinner a few years ago.
Tiffany's - "The quietness and the proud look of it, nothing bad could happen to me there... Didn't I tell you this was a lovely place?"
It's not that I don't believe in romance. Or meeting the right person. It's when I'm being force-fed shit that love is about Hollywood dreams coming true that I get pissed off.
You want true love? Watch Baz Lurhmann's Romeo+Juliet.
Surviving Valentine's Day. Would you pay 100 squids for a bunch of roses? Tell me how this has anything to do with love.
Friday, February 13, 2009
Creative personals
You'd never guess what paper I was reading this in. I couldn't help but burst out laughing when I read them :)
=========
Lesbian, 30, wants man's cock to play with. Also balls.
Have books destroyed your life too? Shy shallow anglophile, 34, seeks young woman to recreate timeless epic romance. Ability to ride camels, bribe border guards and write letters by whale-oil lamp a must.
This advert formally ends the period of my life I like to jokingly refer to as "the years I spent a lot of money on drugs" and begins the phase I hope will be known in the very near future as "the weekend I had sex with that guy".
My door is always open. Mostly because I live in a barn. Farm-dwelling survivalist and rural hedge enthusiast.
I refuse to let my sadomasochistic tendencies and love of koi define who I am, but if our relationship is to progress to any meaningful level then we will be spending an awful lot of time in the Japanese ornamental section of Worchester Homebase.
I installed a tachometer on this advert to measure swoons.
Sane, solvent, slim M seeks broody F.
If forced to commit, I'd say I feared geese more than ducks. Man, 47. Fears geese more than ducks.
Yesterday I was a disgusting spectacle in end-stage alcoholism with a gambling problem and not a hope in the world. Today I am the author of this magnificent life-altering statement of yearning and desire. You are a woman to 55 with plenty of cash and very little self-respect. My name is Bernard. Never call me Bernie.
Dear LRB, I have no money. Please run my advert for free. I want a woman who is 38. Let her know I'm really clever and good-looking. Thanks.
=========
I was in the London Review Bookshop cafe reading their own published paper, London Review of Books. Next time I need a personal ad written for me, I'm getting a bookworm to do it :P
=========
Lesbian, 30, wants man's cock to play with. Also balls.
Have books destroyed your life too? Shy shallow anglophile, 34, seeks young woman to recreate timeless epic romance. Ability to ride camels, bribe border guards and write letters by whale-oil lamp a must.
This advert formally ends the period of my life I like to jokingly refer to as "the years I spent a lot of money on drugs" and begins the phase I hope will be known in the very near future as "the weekend I had sex with that guy".
My door is always open. Mostly because I live in a barn. Farm-dwelling survivalist and rural hedge enthusiast.
I refuse to let my sadomasochistic tendencies and love of koi define who I am, but if our relationship is to progress to any meaningful level then we will be spending an awful lot of time in the Japanese ornamental section of Worchester Homebase.
I installed a tachometer on this advert to measure swoons.
Sane, solvent, slim M seeks broody F.
If forced to commit, I'd say I feared geese more than ducks. Man, 47. Fears geese more than ducks.
Yesterday I was a disgusting spectacle in end-stage alcoholism with a gambling problem and not a hope in the world. Today I am the author of this magnificent life-altering statement of yearning and desire. You are a woman to 55 with plenty of cash and very little self-respect. My name is Bernard. Never call me Bernie.
Dear LRB, I have no money. Please run my advert for free. I want a woman who is 38. Let her know I'm really clever and good-looking. Thanks.
=========
I was in the London Review Bookshop cafe reading their own published paper, London Review of Books. Next time I need a personal ad written for me, I'm getting a bookworm to do it :P
Wednesday, February 04, 2009
The fun doesn't stop there!
Did you hear the one about the panda, rabbit and kitty with pink ears? :)
They had a pub lunch and then went wild in a park:
(How to make a snow angel - Bunny B style!)
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