Hands up!

Filing this under guy horror stories.

Back in the day, when T and I were still living in Sydnery, we use to meet up, have dinner and hang out. One night, we met up at Manly beach and sat by the sand gossiping away like teenagers :)

Along strolled a friendly guy, who stopped to talk to us.

Fine, fine, we're sociable...

...Until I noticed where this guy's hands were.

In his pockets? Nay nay!

In his CROTCH?

(O_O)

Aye aye!!!

I quickly avert my eyes and stop conversing. T, however, has failed to notice! She's talking about the footy. She's talking and talking. I glare at her. She's still talking *grin*

Meanwhile, everytime I look at the guy, his hands were busy *lol*

*Eventually*, T notices, and we get up to leave. Finally!!!

Guys, next time you talk to me and T, hands up where I can see em!!! We're not your cheap oriental thrills! Not for free anyway ;)

Hustled

Sun's out! I'm smiling as I wander down Regent Street. Only to find myself confronted by a hippie trying to plant a crappy crepe-paper flower on me.

Me: "No thanks!"
Hippie: "Come on love, it's for charity."

She stands directly in front of me with a puppy dog look and tucks a flower into my magazine before I can protest further.

*sigh* I stop.

Me: "You haven't told me which charity."
Hippie: "It's support the gypsy children."
Me: "What? Gypsy children?!?"
Gypsy: "Yeah they're out on the streets. Come on, you have a lovely smile."
Me: "Are YOU a gypsy?"
Gypsy: "Yes. Give some change, everyone's got some change to spare."

I look at this smartly dressed woman incredulously. Beret, mascara... what happened to the scarves, flowing skirts and starving child accessory?

I give up. I could've spent the next hour telling this woman that if she got a real job, she wouldn't have to whore her gypsy children on the streets begging for money.

I dig out some change.
Gypsy: "Thanks love. You look lucky, god bless!"

Mentally, I retort back with, "Don't peddle your god to me, you con woman!"

I'll give to the homeless over the hippies and gypsies anyday.

The sun is out, I need to start internalising my smiles :P

Feeling like a Grandma

Lets go back in time a bit. I remember about a decade ago, I use to snicker at the "old folks" in clubs. The weird ones who look like they should be at home watching the telly with a cuppa.

Fast forward to present day. I'm at an exclusive Brighton-residents-only festival thrown by Fatboy Slim :) The sun is out! I'm smiling as I dance. I accidentally catch the eye of a guy, so I do what I normally do when caught in a staring competition with randoms.

Me: "Hello!" *wave*

And I keep dancing.

That was the end of my peaceful dancing as every so often the guy comes back to chat. Which I would've loved if he was hot... and didn't look like a pimply 15 year old!!! That's almost HALF my age :(

Oooh yeah, Grandma's still got it baby. I'm a Cougar *rrr-eow* *claw* *claw*

The festival is all-ages. The security's so lax I spot 14 year olds (max) with beer exchanging drugs. Bit scary.

Throughout the day, Toy Boy returns to make conversation.
Toy Boy: "Where are you from?"
Me: "China." (Not really interested to go through the whole stupid scene of ignorant people disbelieving the possibility of orientals existing in a land of kangaroos and Elle Macphersons)
Toy boy: "Which part?"
Me: *uggh* "Guang xu"
Toy boy: "Are you having a good time?"
Me: *double uggh* *I stick my thumb up* gooooo away...
Toy boy: "Why didn't you come and dance with me? I told myself I'm going to dance with you before I leave."

What I wanted to say:
"SHOOOOO CHILD! Go play with your wittle fwends!! I'm old enough to have given birth to you (and trust me, in this country it's a realistic scenario)."

What I said: "Look, I'm dancing with my mates. Do you mind moving on?"

Finally, he takes the hint and leaves me alone. I feel like I should be at home watching telly with a cuppa :P Then again, if Fatboy Slim is still throwing totally rockin' parties at 45, why should I give it up? :)

Thanks B and Niffies for organising tix :)

Filmster Date

Date outfit: Grey Argentinian top, blue slacks, white flat shoes. The flats were a surprising choice, cause out of all the dates I've had, Filmster Date's the tallest at 6 feet *grin*
Date location: London Bridge / General vicinity of Borough Markets
Date start time: Approx 6:45pm

Poor guy. He might've stood a chance if AA hadn't pre-fed me with a Bloody Mary (my new cocktail of choice) and a pep talk about getting back on the proverbial horse *grin* My head really wasn't in the date-game space.

I did have a fun night, but I did try to send out some "not interested" signals. I teased him a lot, and to his credit, he held up well and gave as good as he got. I also checked out chicks. What on earth are girls doing walking around in little mini-skirts? Meanwhile, I'm all buttoned up in my woolly Ben Sherman jacket.

Anyways, Filmster Date is so named, because he's in the film industry :) A nice refreshing change from IT. He's a director/screenplay writer wannabe. Loads of interesting stories to tell. Unfortunately, when it's my turn to explain what I do... I'm stumped. Do I really want to explain IT, project management, business analysis, setting up an offshore helpdesk, orifice politics to him? Naaah... I stick to, "I work with computers, it's boring". Don't get me wrong, I love IT and technology. I just don't think my job is very interesting :P Talk to me about the latest iPhone firmware and I'll give you a piece of my mind.

Eventually, I call it a night - "My flatmates are cooking squid for me". Strange, but not a lie! Only it became a lie when I got home and discovered no squiddies had been saved for me *grin*

So, to sum up - Nice guy, quickly transitioned to "more mate than date" type. No spark for me. He's messaging me though. Now what do I do?

Date end time: Approx 9pm.

Climate change

Gone are the days when I sat on a bowl and read about, "Rachel is a lesbo!" or "LIZ N JONO 4EVA!" on the cubicle door. These days, everything's about climate change:

If any of my friends have more than 2 kids, I'm going to start lecturing them on how they're killing off the planet *grin* Do you really think China's solving the world's climate change issues with their "one child per family" policy?!?

Now this theory however, I'm more than willing to test *big grin*

Consolation prize

Girlfriend: "Let's catch up."
Me: "Sure, when?"
Girlfriend: "How about Wednesday because the Other Half has football on that night."

I start to grimace.

It's such a girl thing to say. I guess it annoys me because I never said that sort of shit to friends when I was in a relationship. I guess that's one thing I can commend He Who Shall Not Be Named on *grin* I had my freedom. I wasn't beholden to him. I didn't have to spend every moment with him, and he never made me feel guilty about it. I could schedule my diary however I liked if we didn't have plans together. I didn't just get in touch with people just because my partner's away or had his own plans. At the end of the day, it was my partner I came back to and I appreciated our time together even more. I didn't make dates with friends just because the Other Half was out having his own good time.

I know girlfriends don't mean anything by it. I know I'm being overly sensitive. However, I can't help but think of the implications and the meaning behind their choice of words. Especially when they throw in phrases like, "The Other Half is playing Xbox with his friends tonight" (*grin* If this is you, and you're reading this - Sorry!)

Would I be hearing from this person if the Other Half wasn't busy? Most likely not. I'm an after thought for someone. Pretty much consolation prize for the night. So for my peace of mind, do me a favour? Don't tell me you want to hang out with me just cause your Other Half has better plans which don't involve you :)

Bloody smug marrieds.

Ding-a-ling!!

This is one of the best ideas the City of Rondon ever came up with. Shutting streets off and letting cyclists loose through Rondon to promote cycling!! OMG, it was such an awesome day! Singlet top weather and a rented bicycle :) My fave bits were zooming through Trafalgar Square, and going through the tunnels at the London Bridge end. My bell didn't work, so I had no choice but to scream, "Ding-a-ling!" lots *grin* I'd sooo love to get a bicycle now, I'm just worried about facing traffic! I've even picked out the bike I want ;) I probably won't fit on it, but gawd it looks cool!!!

Thanks Mayor Boris!

Pr0n

One day, kids of the next generation are going to think it's short for "pr0nography" and start calling it "p0rn" as a codeword instead *grin*

Or they might just think us oldies are talking about dirty shellfish :P

I digress... I pulled this screenshot from a guy's Match profile awhile back, and forgot about it until I was cleaning my desktop today:

"...Candlelight, Dancing, Erotica, Flirting..." Hang on, "Erotica"?!? *lol* Isn't that another word for pr0n? Nothing wrong with guys liking their pr0n, but... is it really a good idea to admit it on a profile? :) Honesty's always great, but only when you know the other person well enough :P Quite a few of my girlfriends are still squeamish about it. Some are probably still in denial their bf/hubby ever owned any :P Meanwhile, I still know a guy who owns a *physical* pr0n stash! Odd, in this digital age.

Me: "Mate, haven't you heard of the internet?" *grin*
Guy: "But this is good stuff!"

Then again, a search on Google defines "erotica" as, "Tasteful fan fiction which involves characters in sexual situations". I guess, it's quite possible there are metro guys out there reading Mills & Boon :P

Ladies, all I can say is don't go digging too hard on your boy's hdd if you don't want to know the truth ;)

<LordChewy> so my dad found my porn folder
<LordChewy> and he was getting all pissed
<LordChewy> so its all like "does this surprise you? i'm not stupid you know"
<LordChewy> "i know dad"
<LordChewy> "what do you have to say for yourself?"
<LordChewy> at this point i stare at him straight in the eyes and say "C:Documents and Settings Ricky My Documents faxessent faxes"
<LordChewy> and he just shut up
<kingKahn> what is it?
<LordChewy> its his porn folder

Hrm, 2 for 1 and on sale for £4.24 eh? Think I'll do a book review soon ;)

Here endeth the experiment

At 8am yesterday, my subscription to MSF ended :) I was fast asleep, after an all-night drink fest with the girls till 5am.

My profile will remain up, but I won't be able to send or check messages. A few of my friends are telling me to resubscribe, but it's another 20 squiddies! :P Besides, I think I need a break from boys :P

I hope you've enjoyed the booty4sale series :) I might be able to squeeze out one more post about it, but for now, no more online dating. I need to focus more on looking good for my 30th birthday party *grin*

Once in a lifetime

Ruh roh, I have a lot on my mind.

That's...
* 4 Grolsch, 2 cocktails, 3 PIMMS & Lemonande, 3 shots... of something.

I'm still touch typing. You better be impressed.

I've been thinking lately about travel regrets. Where do I want to be before 30? Yeah, yeah, if you're younger and mentality is not there yet, you will be.

My only travel regret is that I never made it to the Amazon when I went to South America. I still remember that it would've cost about US$300, and when I was a new grad backpacking, that was a shitload of moolah. I should've just spent it. Now, that's the one place I want to go back to. Just to play with those Boas ;) I still remember seeing pictures of a guy with a Boa around his neck.

I guess other places that are on my list, that I wish I could've done before 30:
* Rwanda - for the giant monkeys :)
* Patagonia - for the giant ice cubes.
* Somewhere where I can use CRAMPONS! It would've been this September if I had enough confidence to leave my shtty job *sigh*

Ah well :) There's still time before I'm 40 ;) Thanks CH for telling me turning 30 is my 4th decade of life :P

You know what though? I had the best time in Sth America because I was with close friends. Ok, so I had a tiff with one guy out of 7! It doesn't matter, I still want to experience it with friends. So if you feel like experiencing the Amazon, let me know :) South America is indescribable, you have to be there to truly taste it :)

Messy

This was the start of a very very messy night in SFO :) But it's also the only pic I have with Wendy Bendy! :D

Things not to say

Ok, so I had a few. I came home. I logged on to MSF. I saw this picture on MSF:

I said the first thing on my mind.

"Tell me that's not a floating anus!"

Next message, "I shouldn't have said "anus" to you in my first message"
*Yoikes*

*Splish* *Splosh*

"Ou'est le piscine?"

Foux du fa fa ;) (I hearts this song *grin*)

Point is, look at my WHITE handbag! *Splish* *Splosh* :P I guess it's a sign of a good night with friends (you know who you are! Hereafter known as Anonymous) :)

You know what, I've discovered a competitive streak.

My "Who likes me" stats on MSF - 2 pages. 1 page == 10 guys. So, all up atm, 16 peeps. Not all quality either. Here's an example of a non-quality profile who favourites me:

Range Rover Sports Edition
0-100m in about 16secs (when he was 14 years old)
Chocolate Brown with Premium Leather Upholstery
Bluetooth Personal Telephone texting Integration
Premium Navigation System
Electrically Adjustable Front Seats built for comfort
GSOH
In Excellent Condition
Good traction
All mod con
Alloy Wheels
One previous female owner
Would suit a good looking caring female owner

Yeah. Dude, I don't think you're going to get laid anytime soon *grin*

Where was I... Yes, so I wrote a profile for Anonymous. *Guess*, just *guess*, _how_ many pages of "Who likes me" Anonymous has.

Here's the profile:
"I met Anonymous through work and when he left the company, I was miserable! Who was going to keep me sane? Who was going to chillax over a beer with me after work? Who was going to take me to eat chili baps at Borough Markets? It's been months since he left the company and I haven't found a suitable partner-in-crime replacement yet!

I tease Anonymous a lot, but the truth about Anonymous is, well... he's cute *grin*. Stylishly spiked hair, cheeky grin, social skills - totally not what you'd expect from an IT enthusiast! Anonymous is the type of guy who's always entertaining to hang out with. Always open-minded enough to answer all my silly questions. Always adventurous enough to fly off to the wilds of Mexico to eat a chihuahua taco. Always honest enough to tell me what I need to hear.

I've had many a philosophical conversation about life, love and current affairs with Anonymous over many glasses of wine! Even got funky and boogied with him on the dancefloor - and I must say, for a Caucasian male, he's dang good at shaking his booty :). In his chillout time, Anonymous beats up a mini rubber ball on the squash courts, cooks up a mean feast for friends, and loves being creative with his camera.

Ladies, if you're looking to meet someone who's a hint of charming bad boy mixed with a dash of fun and adventure - Anonymous is it."

"Who likes me" stats for Anonymous - 8 PAGES. (o_O) That's 80 chix0rz max. I still want a screenshot for verification. 8 pages!!! How fcking *awesome* am I as a profile writer? :)

Sweet Zombie Jesus!

(You'd be surprised how happy my Jesus-pen makes people @ work.
"Jesus says hello. Can you do xxx for me please?")

Btw, if you're looking for a hint of charming bad boy mixed with a dash of fun and adventure, get in touch *grin* I don't go there cause he's younger, and I've been there, done that. Just for the record :P

It's ON, Anonymous!!!! I ain't losing to you!

PS: You know, I've even been *removed* by some from the favourites list *HURRUMPH*

The proverbial horse

Never mind that I've never ridden a horse before, everyone's telling me to get back on it :P

*sigh*

So here I go again. Only... I'm more concerned about who my competition is! *lol* A search on MSF for females aged 29, turns up a bunch of hotties!! Where am I? PAGE 9!!! Aiyah... which guy is going to have the patience to look through 9 pages of hotties hotter than me?!?

You know what's disappointing? The standard of guys isn't as high as the girls :P *Plenty* of hotties for guys to pick, slim pickings for the girls in return. I mentioned this to a couple of girls at work, and one of them is starting to wonder if I'm gay since I'm searching for chicks *grin* "Whatever floats your boat hunny!"

Hrm, technically the gay gene _does_ run in my family... I could be the first family bi ;)

Buddha Bar

Hrm, I was hoping for more the Laughing Buddha type of Buddha... If I was going to start a bar, that'd be the Buddha I place in my front reception. I'd make everyone rub his belly as a condition of entry too *grin* This one's still pretty impressive in size though.

Overall review - Drinks good, food meh. Good place to meet up with friends for cocktails, food was pretty dang average for price. Approx 45 squiddies each for 7 people, sharing small portions of food. Had to be done though, just for fun :)

Spelling is important

Occasionally, I get random messages from an unknown number:

I'm guessing it's a pre-puberscent chav calling on his chavette. Maybe I'm predantic ( ;) ) about spelling because I was smacked across the head by Mrs Sockalingum when I was in Standard One for spelling "eight" without an "h"... However, you'd think in the motherland of English, people would get it more right than "wrng" here.

I should've started the reply with, "This is your Mother, your ass is getting whooped" *grin*

3am

(A lesson in ono-mato-poeia - I love this word :) )
The dreaded hour. I lie tossing and turning in bed. Waiting for the inevitable.

*CHUG CHUG CHUGG-ugg-g...* - the sound of a tired engine pulling up.

... silence...

*jangle jangle jangle* - the sound of a keychain loaded with a ton of keys.

I brighten my crystal clear MBP screen. 2:57am, it's early.

*SWOOOONK* - the delivery truck's side door slams heavily to the side.

*CHINK CHINK CHINK* - the trolley is heaved to the ground.

*RRRRRRUTTTTT* - the trolley rolls over the pavement to the office next door.

*AAAAARGH* - the sound of me mentally reverberating. "WHHHY MUST YOU PARK OUTSIDE MY WINDOW?!? EVERY DANG MORNING?!?! DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS?"

I put on a shirt, peek out the window. I almost wish I had eggs to pelt at the truckie. M&S eggs are expensive though :P

*RRRRRRUTTTTT* - the trolley rolls back over the pavement to the delivery truck. I hear all the sounds in reverse.

****sigh**** - the surrender of sleep that was never there.

Ever since I got back, I can't sleep until it's 3-4-5am. It's been almost 2 weeks. 2 days ago was a disaster as I stayed up emailing AdF and SH back in Sydnery till 3:38am. Sleep time, approx 4am.

*BING* - my eyelids snapping open at 1PM. EH? 1PM?!? THURSDAY? WORK DAY!!!!

Aiiiiyah... how do I get myself out of this one?

Did I make it to work? Yes, but only at 6pm, discreetly standing down the road from the office waiting for AA. We had a Gaucho steak date after all *grin* 3 bloody marys and a 300g hunka meat later, I headed home. Only to be tempted out again by Sus *grin* 3 cocktails and half a bottle of champers later, we trundled home. No sleep, but at least lots of fun :)

Tacky lamp @ Crazy Bear

Hope you're noticing the time on this post. Count down with me... 38 mins.

History

I was thinking today, that awhile ago, B, me and A had joked about writing a book of guy horror stories *grin* How funny would it be?

So, here goes :)

I went through a phase when I was living in Sydnery, where I'd hike to the Opera House with a book and read in the sun. As you would in a country that's *filled* with sunshine (apart from when I was there for the whole month of Feb this year :P). A guy approached me, and we talked. We got along, we exchanged numbers, we agreed to meet up :)

So far so good.

On the agreed date, I met him at his apartment. Yes yes, I was being good, I had made plans to meet friends at a bar after (B, Shuai - Not sure if you remember the night *grin*). As I got a tour of his apartment, the strangest sight beheld me...

... a coat rack:

... with boxer shorts on every hook o_O

At the moment I was wondering, "WTF?", a roach scampers across the floor, over the bed.

Eeeeeek! Time to leave!!! We kissed, I left. I really really left.

During the week he got in touch with me and wanted to meet for lunch. I was busy working on a presentation, so I declined. He kept insisting. I gave in and agreed to meet him at the Queen Victoria statue.

I waited. Waited. Waited. No show.

Fcker.

I was stood up.

That's it. No more. I ignored messages. I ignored calls.

He found me reading at the Opera House the next weekend. I didn't want to chat, but he did.

Him: Blah blah blah (I don't remember this bit)
Me: "Whatever. Go away."

This next bit, I definitely remember *grin*

Him: "YOU THINK I CAN HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU? YOU... YOU... I COULD NEVER INTRODUCE YOU TO MY FRIENDS. YOU LOOK LIKE A MONKEY!"
Me: *ROFL* "Thank you for brightening my day :)"
Him: *walking off* "I ONLY SLEEP WITH BEAUTIFUL WOMEN. FCK YOU!"

*grin* Being called a monkey :) Beat that! ;)

Monopoly

I hate board games. With a passion. I don't understand Risk. I never got hotels in Monopoly. A Monopoly PUB CRAWL however... *grin* Different story :)

26 pubs. 11am start. Here's my itinerary:
10am: Sausages, corn, chickpeas, tomatoes, one fried egg.
11am: Half pint of Guinness.
11:30am: 4 chicken nuggets, 3rd half pint of Guinness.
Around 12pm: Packet of Salty Nuts, half pints 5&6 of Guiness.
Don't know what time: Laksa lunch, 1 Tiger beer.
Marylebone Station: Skipped drink.
Park Lane: Skipped drink.
Mayfair: Puked in pot plant outside fancy spa. Crossed road, puked some more into a bin. Did anyone of my crew notice? Fck NO :P They're too fcking pissed *grin*

I don't remember when I started drinking again, but I became the "responsible one" who herded everyone around from pub to pub *grin* Here's the final score at 11pm:

Birthday Boy: 29.5!!! We have a weiner!
T: 27.5
(definite *awe* for T keeping up with H)
B: 20
Me: 17.5
Wazzz: 16
D: 11.5

All I can say is, the Beenikster household held it till the end, and we totally r0x0rz to the max0rz. Also, you know why I was drinking Guinness? I was testing out an alcoholic's theory that you can't get drunk on Guinness. Guess what? You can :P

Happy 30th bird-day H :)

PS: Here's my drink tally:
Friday - 4 glasses white wine
Saturday - 17.5 drinks (as above)
Sunday - Half bottle of red
Monday - 9 PIMMS & lemonade (bad day)

Think I need to dry out a little.

A Sign...

I walked into a pretty hip and happening bookshop the other day. I picked up a new translation of the Qur'an, and I flipped to a random page:

BOOTY

*grin*

Cooome on, *tell* me that's not a sign :D

Sorry for the poor quality pic, but my iPhone lens is a bit scratched these days :P If you can't read it, here's what it says:

"BOOTY
They ask you about booty.
Say: "Booty belongs to God and His Messenger."

I think I understand how Allah gets his 72 virgins for martyrs now :P Personally, I don't think I'm ready to give up quality bacon or siew yok for booty just yet...

You know what's really evil? When I was back in Primary School in Malaysia, Muslim kids use to be really touchy about their study books. Apparently everytime a non-Islamic person touched their book, they had to pray over the book to cleanse it. I've poked a few study books in my time :P

Burning Man (the Burn)

You know, there are so many things I could tell you about BM. I'm going to stop at this post. I entered with an expectation that I would find peace. I exited with a realisation that just because the desert's isolated, doesn't mean I was going to find it :) Even doing Bikram yoga at midday in the desert, didn't clear my mind *grin* So I'll tell you what I loved about it.

It made me look at the stars :) It made me think there was more to just slogging away day-to-day. It made me think that people are more accepting, with the clause that human nature always has a hint of seediness (eg: random guy walking up to topless girl and licking her). It made me think, if I could live in the desert for 6 days, what's it going to take to break me?

And now... The Burn :)

This is the morning of (partied all night with T and Carl Cox ;)):

This is the start:


This is the first kaboomie! :D


Then battery & memory aziz :P

I squeezed out one more. This is the morning after (partied all night with S and the Duck ;)):

I leave you with what S said to me:
"Keep smiling - burningman never ends"

Burning Man (the temple)

(Note: If you can't see the slideshow in your reader, go to the post)
There was a day, when it was sooo hot, I couldn't handle it. All I wanted to do was sleep. So that's what I did. It was like an oven in the RV, but my body (especially my sore ass), just couldn't function. So I dozed... woke up randomly, ate some packaged food... went back to dozing. I just wanted the sun to set and the breeze to begin.

My absolute favourite time of day at the desert, is dusk :) It's the most wonderful feeling cycling around just before the sun starts hiding behind the mountain. There's still some rays, yet the heat isn't stifling. One evening, we walked to the Temple - "Basura Sagrada"

It's the most beautiful structure on the playa. Sitting at 12pm to the Man, it's built mainly out of driftwood, stained glass, cardboard spires and structural lumber. Everything's burnable trash. Hence the name :) It's a temple dedicated to lost loved ones. I didn't realise this until I started reading all the messages scrawled and posted all over the structure... I watched sunset from the Temple and stared straight ahead at the Man.

You know what I miss about the desert? Sunrise. Surprisingly, I find myself wishing I was watching another sunrise at the playa when I'm at work. Watching it rise over the horizon, dancing, feeling warmth again. I didn't think I'd miss the desert. I remember teasing S as we crossed one end of the playa to another at dawn, "How could you miss this place?"

Burning Man (art & mutant vehicles)

(Note: If you can't see the slideshow in your reader, go to the post)
Day 5 BM: It's taken me this long to get used to the grime... And only because I've had to cycle through a full-strength SAND STORM o_O

View from inside our RV

It's like Mother Nature's way of giving you a pr0n star shower with DIRT. After that, I didn't care how dirty I was anymore. Every inch of me was covered in dust and for the first time, it felt natural :) It's an amazing experience cycling through a dust white-out. All I could see were silhouettes.

"Why don't you take a shower in your fancy shmancy RV," I hear you say?

Well, I would have if the water pump in the RV was working :P No water pump meant I didn't shower for 6 DAYS (beating my previous record of 5 days at Machu Picchu). After the sand storm, I stopped wiping myself down with baby wipes. I also did a clean out of my nose for the first time during the trip. Holy moly! BIGGEST BOOGERS EVER! Everyone else looked at me oddly when I told them. Apparently they'd been cleaning out their noses everyday.

No water pump also meant less cooking as it was such a hassle to clean cutlery, pots and plates. I was eating chunky chicken soup out of a can. Just like back in the good old Uni days when I lived with T *grin*

Oh, I was cycling back from seeing my hypnotist healer Ché :)

Ché: "Tell me how I can help you."
Me: "Make me a better person!" (easy answer)
Ché: "Ok, what do you see a better person as being?"
Me: "Hrmm, I'm already pretty good as a person *cheeky grin* Make me more relaxed and content instead!"
...
Ché: "For the next few minutes, I want you to let your mind drift and think about anything..."
Me: *thinking* "It's been awhile. Maybe the session's over, better open my eyes."
Me: *out loud* "That was good, thanks for that!"
Ché: "It's not over yet. That's good, you're always in control. Now close your eyes, and I'll count you back out."
Me: *thinking* "Oops..."

To be honest, I think all Ché did was give me the capacity to remember bad dreams *shrug* I've had a few nightmares since I got back.

Now for some art installations and mutant vehicles. Mutant vehicles are awesomely done up rides that become an artwork in itself :) It was wonderful seeing them cross the playa. Suprisingly, I took more pix of people than art. I kind of got sidetracked. Besides that, I had limited battery and memory, and everything I looked at was art!!

Famous!

I'm officially on the internets :) Spot me in the current intro on the Armin Only website.

Can't find me? Need a hint? I'm "Ecstatic Fan-Gal #2" *grin*

_Still_ need a hint? Coooome on, these mateys didn't need any help :)

Here's the youtube version:

If you're wondering where this is, here's the story. W00t W00t!!! Hands in the air everyone, Armin hearts me :)

Burning Man (floppy p3nises)

(Note: If you can't see the slideshow in your reader, go to the post)
It's strange, I've always wanted to go to BM because to me, there was nothing cooler than the concept of art in the middle of a desert. What I didn't expect, was the sense of open community and the outrageousness of it all. The only time I pulled out cash, was to pay for coffees (decent ones too!) at Center Camp. What surprised me was how giving Americans could be *grin* Free lemonade! Free iced tea! Free margaritas! Free bagels! Free snowcones! Freebies everywhere you go! People would pretty much walk to the middle of the street and say to you as you cycle past, "Hey, you wanna stop by for a *insert freebie here*?"

What I loved most, was the effort people made to dress up in costumes. Not just for a day, but for everyday and every night! :) That was amazing. It was surreal to be lying on a cushion looking at the blue sky with choons in the background, when suddenly first a Siberian tiger, then a Bengal crept past my vision :) You know what? In my shorts and singlet tops, I felt left out. The costumes were something I had not expected. I _did_ borrow Wazzz's vampire cape with the thought of wearing undies underneath. To wear that in the freezing desert night though, would've been NUTS.

The other thing I didn't expect was the massive club culture. It blew my mind. Kind of like an Ibiza without the water :) What I had trouble comprehending was how people had just come to the desert, and setup massive club arenas. Lights, speakers, decor, pyrotechnics, the works. Even an international DJ :) Carl Cox played for free one night. Tiesto played here in 2005. Dancing through to dawn on the desert, I kept asking myself, "What the hell am I doing here?" I felt like I was on a different planet altogether.

Everything seemed so random, with independent theme camps dotted around the playa. Yet everything worked so well together. That was amazing.



As T and I cycled back to our RV, a guy stands infront of us and says, "Ladies! Free stripper!"
T: "Maybe we should've gone in."
Me: "Trust me, I've seen enough floppy p3nises to last me a lifetime already!"

I certainly didn't expect *that* at BM...

Strings attached

A break from travel posts.

It's been about... 3 years since I've had a mentor of any sort. Usually the shoe's on the other foot, and I'm spieling off my random advice on how to approach challenging situations. Lately, I've been *really* struggling to deal at work. I know my target, I know how to deliver, but orifice politics and a general lack of communication in a huge global company has just gotten me down. So I nabbed my ex-manager and escaped for a half hour coffee chat. I made him tell me all his happy stories first :) Then I dumped all my crap on him *grin* Everything since he'd left. Hey, at least I waited for him to ask first! As he spoke me through all my problems, I started to feel a lot lighter inside. I felt like I had been lifted ten feet off the level of shit I'd been wading through lately to get a better view of the endgame. Then I was plonked back down. Still in the same shit, but at least now I was equipped with nose plugs and wellies :P

My ex-manager (XM) is on a roll, and asks, "So what else you got?"

I blurt out, "I got dumped by a boy last night".

XM: "What?!? Did he take you to an expensive restaurant?"
Me: "No, he took me to a pub."
XM: *crinkles his nose* "He didn't do it the right way then."
Me: "What on earth is the right way for that sort of situation??"
XM: "He should've taken you to a really nice, expensive restaurant."
Me: "Why? So the girl thinks everything's going really well just before he stabs her in the back and twists the knife in?" (I do some knife stabby motions with my hand for emphasis)
XM: "NO. It's so you won't make a scene!"

I burst out laughing... It's what I needed to hear to bring me out of the fog. I file the tip away for next time ;)

Me: "Wait till your daughter grows up and goes through all this with BOYS."
XM: "She won't, I'm sending her to Antarctica."
Me: "I hear there are some really good convents there run by penguins." *grin*
XM: "Have a biscotti."
Me: "I'm on the Rejection diet - liquids only."

Being dumped is never easy. Being friends after is harder. I've tried. It's never worked because the guy always does the wrong thing and skews the balance. It's hard enough for me to look at that person and not *feel* stuff. So I don't put myself through that emotional wringer anymore :P What's really helped, is the support network I've had :) The friends who took me to the pub and ordered me doubles while we talked.

I know it seems ridiculous to be upset after such a short time since first date, but... I underestimated the strength of strings attached. Cutting them off still hurt. The worrying thing is, even though each circumstance has been different, I'm starting to see a pattern.

Do I regret selling my booty online? No :) It's still a great way to meet people. It's just sometimes, I still wish I could forget easily.

Please don't leave comments on this post. I don't want this to be a "Sympathy for Reenie" or "Man Hating" thing. Don't email me about it either. It's not what I want to hear.

Burning Man (what time is it?)

(Note: If you can't see the slideshow in your reader, go to the post)
*Blink*

It's dark... Vague memories... 200+ miles of being co-pilot with S, trying to guess which vehicles we passed were heading towards Burning Man too. S honks as we pass a blackly fuming combi van! "BURNING MAN! YEEEAH!" I grin like a lunatic as S puts pedal to the metal and tells me seriously, "This is to the floor and it's not going very fast eh?", as the speedometer flicks at 80 miles per hour. We stop at a gas station, helicopters, rescue engines - "Are you ready for The Burn?" Me, the naive n00b, "How did you know??" Twilight, we were at Gerlach... shouts from the outside about this being the last gas station before hitting the playa, yet the Garmin tells us there's a Shell station ahead. Would you have taken the risk? :)

*Blink*

D is driving the RV at a crawl... Our dusty compact home on wheels for the next 6 days. We have reached the desert.

Our initiation begins :) All out to taste some dust! We're instructed to hit the floor. S does an impressive forward headroll! T&D create some dust angels! I'm about to start flapping my arms on the dirt, when S goes, "NOO!!!!" and starts ROLLING ME around in the dirt!

Greeter: "Welcome home!"

We clang a bell loudly, each chanting, "I AM NOT A VIRGIN ANYMORE!"

Our RV parks perpendicular to our companion RV (filled with 3 Canadian Frenchies + 1 American) at approx 7:15 Hummer Avenue. A blood red Mustang with an Italian and another Frenchie pulls up to close off our little residential area. We're here :)

My first sight - STARS! Millions of them. The last time I saw this many would've been at Mt Kinabalu... Those three stars on Orion's belt, I must've been in Oz the last time I saw those.

My second sight - Glowing bicycles!! :D

The old pros take us around the playa. I don't know what time we got here. I don't know what time we went to bed. We walked in the darkness till it was dawn. Who knew the dark could come so alive?? This wasn't something I expected. The Man glowed at us constantly from the centre.

SFO

(Note: If you can't see the slideshow in your reader, go to the post)
Kinda like Sydnery, only with a mysterious fog *grin* I'm behind in posts, so I'm just going to do highlights:

• Fresh sushi!!! If only I didn't waste it after... I blame the "barman" at the Clift hotel ;)
  
• Cycling the bay with T&S. There were times when I cycled through Sausalito and thought, "Fck, where am I?" I honestly could've been cycling through Paddington :)
  
• Watching S do the biggest bicycle stack of the trip (it wasn't me!!) *lol*
• Cycling over 3 mega hills and the Golden Gate Bridge :)
• Fresh oysters from Hog Island with Wendy Bendy :D Oysters are like a luxury item in Rondon!
• View from the Carnelian Room cocktail lounge.
• Hanging off the cable car up the hills of SFO :)
  
• SIX FLAGS DISCOVERY KINGDOM!!! ZOMG!!! 3 hours of rollercoasters galore!! It's been sooo long :)

What's NOT worth the wait:

• 2 hours in line at Mama's for crab benedict eggs. Good, but not 2 hours wait good. Give me Lounge salmon eggs anyday...

Wendy Bendy - I'm so glad we got to catch up :) Come see me in Rondon!! Why don't I have any pix of us together?!?

reenie$ rm -f *.booty4sale

*scrub* *scrub* *scrub*

Why did Reenie cross the road?

Day 3 in California. I've been busted by a COP. I have a court date. I fcking kid you not.

I'm at a major road. I look left, I look right. There aren't any pedestrian crossings. I'd have to cross at least another two intersections to get to the other side if I wanted to follow the right way. So I took a chance. After all, there's an island in the middle of the major road.

I bolt across to the island.

*WOOOB* *WOOOB*... Cop car pulls up.
Coppa: "Maam, wait for me on the other side."
Me: "Errr, ok."

Busted *sigh*

Coppa: "I saw you looking. I saw you thinking about it. I saw you looking at the crosswalk."
Me: *thinking* "You fcking bastard, you were waiting for me."
Me: *out loud* "Sorry? What's a crosswalk? What do you mean?"
...
Me: "I'm Australian and I live in London, here's my passport."
Coppa: "You speak really good English, are you sure?"
Me: *thinking* "Fcking retardo"
Me: "Here's my passport. Look, I've been in this country for THREE DAYS. I didn't know it was illegal to jaywalk."
Coppa: "Maam, I'm not a passport checker."

I kid you not :P

Coppa: "Maam, you don't know this, but lots of people have been killed on this road."
Me: "Then build a freaking FOOTBRIDGE. *I* would've used a footbridge."
Coppa: "Maam, we don't have the money. Until the state of California has the money, we can't do this."
Me: "You're giving me a freaking fine right now!!! Use the dang money to BUILD A FOOTBRIDGE."

And so on it goes. I have to be in court on the 28th October. I don't think I'm going to make it :P Fcking rednecks.